When we have children, nature seems to reward us with the notorious “sixth sense”: we literally physically feel if something wrong happens to our child. But we often dismiss intuition, attributing everything to increased anxiety or the habit of being overprotective. How do you know when to listen to your mother’s instincts? The psychotherapist explains.
As a mother, I have experienced this more than once: as if instinct or intuition told me that something was wrong with my child. This feeling was seldom wrong, even when the fears, at first glance, were unfounded or exaggerated. Many of the mothers I have worked with as a psychologist have shared similar experiences.
Parents (especially mothers) usually know their child much better than outside specialists — teachers, doctors. If our fears are taken lightly or laughed at, we often find it difficult to trust our instincts afterwards.
But it is very important for any parent to be able to listen to the inner voice of instinct — the most important tool that helps us protect children.
Maternal «sixth sense»
I worked with a mother who had a real «sixth sense» that told her that her son, who was in elementary school, was having trouble reading. She was not a professional teacher, but she felt her child very subtly.
Great care is required so as not to break the emotional bond and mutual trust between parents and the child.
When she first met with his teacher to discuss her concerns, she stated that the child was having difficulty learning due to behavioral problems. She suggested to my client that her son be tested for ADHD.
My client doubted her words, to which she was told that she did not understand anything about it. In fact, the examination showed that the child is very smart, but suffers from dyslexia.
With professional help, he learned to read well, was able to gain confidence in himself and his abilities, and behavioral problems disappeared.
This story is pretty typical. A well-meaning specialist (doctor or educator) makes parents question their intuition. Great care is required so as not to break the emotional bond and mutual trust between parents and the child.
Of course, there are situations when parents are mistaken, or ill-informed, or, alas, indifferent or cruel to their own children. But in most cases, it is worth assuming that the mother and father know what is best for their children.
Our children need us
In the Scottish tale The Fairies and the Stolen Child, a mother briefly leaves her child to fetch water for him. At this time, two fairies appear and kidnap him. The inconsolable mother goes on a quest, asking everyone she meets if they have seen her child. Finally, the old woman tells her that the baby was kidnapped by the sids (magical creatures, fairies from Irish and Scottish folklore), and tries to convince her to stop searching, because not a single mortal has yet managed to return from the magical world of fairies.
The woman begs the old woman to cast a spell to bring the child back, but the old woman replies that such magic does not exist. In fact, the mother only needs to use what she already has. The wise old woman advises her to get «rare and wonderful» things to offer them to the fairies in exchange for a baby. But the woman is very poor and has no idea where to get such wonderful gifts.
Using wit and ingenuity, she sews a white eiderdown cloak and makes a harp from animal bones, using her own golden hair as strings. She then boldly enters the fairy world. Magical creatures are so fascinated by these treasures that they willingly exchange a child for them.
We can rely on the wisdom of our intuition. Recent research shows that this is true at the biological level as well.
The mother from the fairy tale has almost nothing but love and emotional connection with the child. She is not rich and not powerful. It seems that she has nowhere to get gifts to offer to the fairies. In fact, she already has everything necessary to save the baby. Let’s remember one beautiful detail of the story — she made the strings for the harp from her own hair.
We — with all our features — are needed by our children. We may not be giving them what the “experts” think is right, but we have a mental and emotional connection at the deepest level that tells us what a child really needs.
More often than not, we can rely on the wisdom of our intuition. Recent studies show that this is true on a biological level as well. It turns out that the composition of mother’s milk varies depending on the sex, age and health of the child, adapting to the urgent needs of his body. Of course, this happens without any conscious effort on the part of the mother. Our body itself knows what our children need.
We should trust the voice of mother’s intuition, despite the doubts of outsiders. Of course, doctors, teachers and psychologists know a lot of things that we do not know, and it is also important to listen to their advice when we are at a crossroads, not knowing what to do. But expert opinion should not drown out our own wise inner voice.