Can you manage your emotions?

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Emotions often arise not there, not those, not when it is necessary or not with the necessary intensity. Not always the usual reaction is the most adequate response, sometimes you can hurt other people with your emotions. When we are overwhelmed with emotions, we think much worse than in a calm state. Sometimes you just need to relax, and then unnecessary emotions are useless. It is useful for a developed personality to be able to manage emotions.

The ability to control one’s emotions is the ability, if necessary, to subordinate one’s emotions, feelings and moods to the dictates of one’s own mind. The ability to manage one’s emotions distinguishes an adult from a child, an educated person from an ill-mannered person, an adequate and effective person from an ineffective person and just a psychopath.

The topic of managing emotions can be discussed endlessly, until the question is more precisely posed: what is meant by management, what emotion management are we talking about, and what kind of training are we talking about people with?

What is meant by emotion control?

Most often, under the control of emotions, people mean the control of emotions that have already arisen and the cessation of unwanted emotional states. In fact, managing emotions is a much more voluminous task, including, among other things, prevention, triggering, changing the way it flows, and stopping arbitrary emotional experiences. See →

What emotions are we talking about?

Some types of emotions are practically uncontrollable with almost any preparation, some (emotional actions) are easily manageable, manageable by any child↑. It is difficult to extinguish an emotional state that has already arisen and promoted; it is not difficult to evoke the necessary emotion in oneself in a suitable situation. Emotions that have developed to a state of passion are uncontrollable, all normal people are able to smile joyfully and sincerely at a meeting.

We stop managing many of our emotions when we lose proactivity, we begin to expect the actions of others, instead of acting ourselves, when we turn off our heads, we get used to react automatically and in a stereotyped way.

When our emotions become our reactions, they are harder to manage↑. But there is good news in this: we can return all these opportunities to ourselves. If we were masters of our emotions as children, we can regain that mastery today↑. We can act more actively, proactively, we can stop reacting in a stereotyped way, we can start thinking and behaving as we choose.

What training are we talking about?

Everything is very specific. Only some clients of psychiatrists do not know how to control their emotions at all, normal people with a safe psyche can control their emotions, just not all and not always. If a person is in a cheerful, resourceful state, then in most cases it is not difficult for him to control emotions. If a person is tired, sick or in a state of passion, it is difficult to manage oneself in such a state. On the other hand, already children easily start their crying to their parents, for them it is elementary. Most children from the age of three or four, at the request of their parents, can easily both cry and laugh, be surprised or offended. When playing with each other, children — and especially girls — express emotions vividly, adequately and convincingly. The whole point is that sometimes it turns out to be difficult to cope with some emotions: it is difficult not to get angry when you are angry, it is difficult to remove resentment when it has already flared up in the soul.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The task of managing emotions usually turns out to be difficult precisely because it is set by people who have already missed the moment when an emotion arises, who did not prevent this occurrence, who did not prevent the actions of other people who created these emotions for them. At the same time, if a person moves into a more active, leadership position and launches his own and other people’s emotions himself before the waves of other people’s emotions pour over him, he no longer needs to control his own emotions. He got ahead of himself and manages the situation himself.

If you walk around stooped and with a dreary expression on your face, sooner or later you will ruin your mood and ask: “How can I improve my mood if there is no mood to do this?” Yes, you ambushed yourself … If tomorrow morning you get up cheerfully, do exercises, straighten your shoulders and smile at your family, you will ensure a good mood for yourself and your loved ones.

If you came to your mother quite positively, and your mother is not in a good mood, then the mood of the one who was more active will change: if you allow your mother to boo, you will soon too. If you hugged your mother, told how you missed her and start boasting about your successes, each time noting that all this is only thanks to your mother, then you have great chances of winning: soon your mother will begin to smile and rejoice at your successes with you.

Emotion management is a matter of education. It is an educated person who differs from an ill-mannered one in the first place by the fact that he knows how to control his emotions even where it is difficult and undesirable. A developed personality controls his emotions, knows how to manage his emotions and states, knows how to control himself.

Actors, Indians, diplomats and other people who have undergone special training have much better control over their emotions than ordinary people who do not have such training. Each person can develop the ability to manage their emotions if they set themselves such a task. The main thing is desire and practice.

And the last. In some situations, you may find yourself helpless in front of your emotions not because you cannot control them. Physically, you can, but socially, sometimes you can’t. There are societal limits to managing emotions.