Can you love? The art of love

Few people know how to love. If the main thing for you in love is to get what you need from your loved one, you love yourself, not him, and in this sense, you don’t know how to love.

If you love apples, what is the result of this love? — Stub …

Love is a reflection of a person’s personality. The love we are accustomed to is not what we do, it is what happens to us, what we fall into. Scientifically speaking, such love is a reactive attitude, it is an involuntary behavioral and emotional response of a human organism to what has influenced him in this direction. However, people can be not only organisms, sometimes they have reason and will, and then they can be responsible for their choices and their feelings. In this case, other love is possible, rare love, love as a choice, decision and behavior. This is a person’s choice to love and this is love as a behavior — like what a person does every day. And how then to choose the one or those to whom you will give your love?

To love means to love the one you love, to think about him, to take care of him. Once I had such a conversation with a teenage girl: “Can you love? Are you in love thinking about yourself or about your loved one? — “I know how, I always think about my beloved!” “Well, if you agreed to meet, but he’s not there, what are you talking about and what do you think? Are you thinking about him or yourself? “Of course, about him! If I thought about myself, I would think how unhappy I am. And I think about him: what a parasite he is!”

I’m still not sure how much of a joke it was. Or is it not a joke? In any case, it’s great that this girl was at least ready to talk and think about this topic: often even this is missing …

I asked one teenager if he loves his mother. «Yes!» he answered confidently. «Why do you think so?» I asked. “And I always eat what she gives me!” he replied. In his vision, this is enough to believe that he loves his mother. And what, mother’s love is something better? “Senya, quickly go home!” “Mom, am I cold or hungry?” — Yes, my mother loves, but sometimes you want to escape somewhere from such love. If you do not turn on your head, your love may turn out to be a natural disaster for your loved one.

Love has to be learned. We must learn to love in such a way that our love serves not us, but the beloved.

The ability to love is the ability to convey your love in such a way that it is understood as love, so that it pleases both you and those around you. If you love, you will not express your anxieties and worries if your loved one only twitches from these feelings of yours. Tense questioning: “Why didn’t you call? How could you? I was so worried about you!” — a loving person will endure, but if your beloved doesn’t need your heavy feelings now, put them away.

Many men are sincerely convinced that their jealousy is a manifestation of their love. Yeah, and then women have to be taught how to dodge this manifestation of love in order to save both themselves and relationships. You can be jealous if you know how to make a gift for your beloved out of your jealousy, if the face of your beloved from your wonderful jealousy blooms and glows, like from a luxurious bouquet of fresh roses.

No less number of girls are ready to send dozens of SMS a day to their beloved man, believing that it will please him … No, this is too much, smart men are already annoying. But one or two SMS is nice, only if without reproaches “Why don’t you answer?”.

A great topic is love languages. The ability to love is the ability to convey your love to another person in the language that is close and understandable to him. And love has many languages: someone is closer to the language of words, someone is closer to the language of actions, someone is closer to the language of touch …

Question for women: do you know what your loved one needs if he gets sick? For one, the love language is to sit next to him and spoon-feed him. And the other man in this situation needs to be left alone and not look at him with plaintive eyes! Question for men: what is more pleasant for your beloved — rarely expensive gifts or small tokens of attention every day? Words of love or help with the housework? Hint: don’t believe the words here, girls sometimes don’t know this themselves …

Not everyone understands that love is not only a feeling. Love is also a skill, a kind of habit and skill, similar to getting up to work every morning. Love is behavior, actions that you perform in the name of … And if you have decided to love, then do it as professionally, easily and joyfully as you can. Enjoy love, enjoy the fact that you love a person.

Can you love? Can you love for 50 years without fail, even if she is sick, thoughtful, chirps incessantly, or just mischievous? For those who know how to love, to love for many years in a row is not difficult. Beloved naturally becomes just the one you love. Beloved is a consequence, and the reason for this is that we love him. Love is an action, it is a verb. If we put our love into a person, he becomes loved.

Those who want to truly love learn this. How?

Ask yourself more often: “And if I loved?”, And you will understand that you can live and react differently. With love.

To love is to know a person, his features, what he likes and what not, his interests and needs. See To love is to know the beloved.

There are people who are already on this path, and they are doing it successfully. Want to get to know their experience? See 20 Actions of Love, How I Learn to Love, and Love as Choice, Commitment, and Commitment

And read this:

A small, dry, smiling old woman. A penetrating look, a mobile face, gu.e.e., disproportionately large, overworked peasant hands. In her presence, the interlocutors felt like a meaningful part of creation — she radiantly and intelligently looked into the face of the world, looked into your eyes, apologizing that she had to hurry. She did not say words about God, she joyfully did what turned out to be beyond human interests: she said to no one needed, unremarkable, poor, crippled, smelly, stupid and nasty: “You are not alone!”

See Mother Teresa (Agnes Boyagiu)

Four months ago I was diagnosed with baldness. I lost my hair after a month. It was scary to go to school, I thought that everyone would stare at me. The next morning I heard a knock on the door and ten of my friends were standing on the porch with their heads completely shaved. Two of them are girls…

See droplets of goodness

It is easier to love when the feelings are mutual. But what if the one you love does not behave like a loving person?

First you need to understand what is behind this. Maybe it’s just your glitches, you imagined everything for yourself. Maybe there is no love on the other side, but there are some other feelings: respect, pity, friendship, curiosity … Perhaps he treats you well and maybe even loves you, but:

• he has problems now, he has no time for love and nothing,
• you accidentally offended him with something, and instead of sorting it out, he was offended.
• he doesn’t know what you want from him.
• he does not know how to behave like a loving person. This happens quite often.

From consultation

The question just torments me very much — on the one hand, I understand him and I also see his employment, but on the other hand — was it really difficult to ask for a password? I regarded this as the fact that he simply did not need my gift, it was not interesting to find out what kind of photos there were, so I did not ask. So, I’m not that dear to him. What do you think a loving man would do?

Answer:

Of course, a loving man would have acted differently. And this means that in order to make him loving, to raise him truly loving, Svetlana still has a lot to do. It’s like with a child — when children are born, they don’t know how to make friends or love. But if mothers are smart and loving, children gradually become so. Men need to be treated like children, then they turn out to be real men!

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.