Can parents go naked in front of their children?

Do you walk around the apartment without clothes, not noticing that the child begins to be embarrassed and looks away? Or, on the contrary, do not allow yourself to change clothes even with children of the same sex as you? We learn the opinion of experts on how parental nudity affects the child’s psyche.

Until what age of a child can a parent remain naked with him?

“It is almost impossible to name an unambiguous age limit, because children begin to be interested in gender differences each at their own time,” says psychotherapist Maria Eril. – It is important to catch the moment when the child begins to focus on certain parts of our body, ask questions about his birth and the differences between boys and girls.

This is the very age when we must emphasize the gender of the child, that is, talk about the genitals, about how to care for them. And this conversation should not take place when the parents are walking around naked.

If you can’t be completely naked, then you can walk in underwear? Hardly. Lingerie often hides little, and children are quite interested in the genitals of their parents. So it’s better to dress up. And at the same time, tell the child about the “panty rule”: no one can look at what is under his underwear, and no one has the right to touch him in those places that it covers. An exception is made only for parents and a doctor, but strictly in their presence.

Refusal of clothes – a matter of convenience or something more?

  • An example of accepting your body. If a parent decides to refuse to wear clothes with a child, he must understand what he will lay in the child, what idea to form. “If mom and dad feel good in their body, then they share their harmonious perception: “Here it is, my body. When you grow up, your body will change too, that’s normal.” This is a way of learning for a child, says Maria Eril. “Therefore, before entering this territory, a parent should ask himself the question: how satisfied am I with my body, what am I broadcasting with it to my child?”
  • Teaching cultural norms. In different countries, in different families, ideas about the normal differ. In Russia, we usually get naked only in certain circumstances – when visiting a swimming pool or a gym, a bathhouse, a massage parlor. Knowing that in some places it is socially acceptable, and in others it is not, helps the child to integrate into the local culture.

How can parental behavior affect a child’s psyche?

So far, there is no reliable evidence that parental nudity can negatively affect the psychosexual development of children. Even vice versa.

Back in 1998, Dominion University conducted a 1988 study in which 200 students took part. It showed that children who saw their parents without clothes before the age of five felt more comfortable in matters of physical affection and contact.

“It all depends on the child himself,” explains Maria Eril. – I met women in my practice who said: a joint trip to the bathhouse with their mother or grandmother helped them understand what it means to be a woman. They watched how adults take care of themselves, make masks and rub themselves with honey – it was like an initiation of femininity.

There are girls who grew up regularly watching naked father, grandfather, for example, when the whole family went to the bathhouse. And for them it was not a traumatic experience.

Both the categorical refusal of nudity and the coercion to it are child abuse

But it happens otherwise. One girl was frightened as a child by scars on the abdomen of women in a public bath – her mother told her that this was due to the birth of children. Because of this, the idea was imprinted in the girl’s mind that she would definitely have a wound and scars on her body, and in therapy we had to deal with miscarriage.”

On the other hand, the child may be weighed down by the contrast between behavior at home and in society. this happens when nudity is considered the norm in the home circle, and the environment is hostile to this idea. “In this case, the child will have to develop secrecy and endure the feeling of “alienation” – this will interfere with his adaptation in the peer group,” explains family systemic therapist Ekaterina Klochkova. “But if in the environment the ability to walk without clothes is considered part of the values ​​important for the community, then the child will take this calmly and the nudity of adults will not bring any damage to the psyche.”

How are we accepted?

There are families in which during the holidays it is customary to swim exclusively on “naked” beaches. There is nothing wrong with the very idea of ​​nudism – a child can be brought up in this culture, though explaining that such behavior is acceptable at home or on vacation, but not in other places and spaces. However, his opinion in this matter should come first. You should not impose your ideas of what is right and natural on children.

“A child can sit and not pay much attention to nudity: for him, genitals and ears are approximately equivalent parts of the body,” notes Maria Eril. “But if he starts to get embarrassed and look away, you can’t ignore it or ask: “Why are you looking away, are you embarrassed by your parents?”

What mistakes can parents make?

  • Lack of alternative

Both the categorical refusal of nudity and the coercion to it is child abuse. If nudity is imposed, it can result in many negative consequences, up to confusion in one’s own orientation – due to the nudity of a parent, especially one whose gender does not match the child’s. The opposite sex may no longer be attractive to him.

The child has the right to choose how to interact with his own body

So, according to many, if it is customary in a family to sit in a public bath surrounded by naked women, then the girl should take part in this, because this is the “norm”. “The psyche and culture of relationships with one’s body in a child may not be formed in accordance with the parent’s norm. And it doesn’t matter what this norm is – in the refusal or encouragement of nudity, emphasizes Maria Eril. – You can not continue to push through this norm, believing that there can be no others. The child has the right to choose in matters of interaction with his own body.

Is the problem only in defending your point of view and “I know what is best for you”? Not always. According to Ekaterina Klochkova, the decision of parents to go naked only at home with children can be a symptom of a closed, united family in which psychological boundaries have been erased between people.

  • Lack of dialogue

Negative consequences, as a rule, arise in those families where there is a concept of a norm that everyone practices, but does not discuss. The child cannot learn about its specifics, about other norms. Can’t tell how comfortable he is. But we must conduct a dialogue and speak out all the nuances – if we want our child to develop harmoniously.

About the experts

Maria Eril – sex therapist, family therapist. Her blog.

Ekaterina Klochkova – family systems therapist. Her broker.

2 Comments

  1. Bố mẹ không nên khỏa thân gần con , lúc nhỏ còn học mẫu giáo , bố đi công việc xa về thì cứ muốn ôm bố ngủ , 1 lần sáng thức dậy mở mắt thấy đang nằm trong lòng bố nhưng bố không có mặc gì Trần truồng mẹ củng vậy , lúc đó vừa khó chịu vừa sợ Hải nhưng không dám cử động , phải đợi bố mẹ dậy mặc đồ đi ra rồi mới dám ngồi dậy , từ đó cho đến lớn mình không còn quấn quýt bố nửa ……sao này lớn thì mới hiểu sự cố của bố mẹ …thế nên bố mẹ phải ý thức ạ

  2. c
    Mình thì nghĩ bố mẹ phải ý thức nếu không ảnh hưởng con , lúc nhỏ còn học mẩu giáo á, có lần bố đi công việc lâu về là giành ôm bố ngủ , có 1 lần sáng giât mình thức trước bố mẹ , lúc đó bố đang ốm mình, mình đang nằm trong lòng bố nhưng lúc đó bố Trần truồng không mặc gì , mẹ củng vậy , lúc đó mình có cảm giác khó chịu , sợ Hải , muốn khóc lun , nhưng sợ không dám cử động , chờ bố mẹ dậy ra ngoài rồi mình mới dậy , từ đó mình không còn quấn quýt bố nửa …..giờ lớn biết do bố mẹ vô ý thôi nên các bật phụ huynh cần ý thức trước con

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