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Family quarrels, aggression, violence… Every family has its own problems, sometimes even dramas. How can a child, continuing to love his parents, protect himself from aggression? And most importantly, how do you forgive them? These questions were explored by the actress, screenwriter and director Maiwenn le Besco in the film Excuse Me.
«”- the first work of Mayvenn le Besco. She came out in 2006. However, the story of Juliette, who is making a film about her family, touches on a very painful subject. According to the plot, the heroine has the opportunity to ask her father about the reasons for the aggressive treatment of her. In reality, we do not always dare to raise issues that concern us. But the director is sure: we must. How to do it?
A CHILD WITHOUT A FOCUS
“The main and most difficult task for children is to understand that the situation is not normal,” says Maiwenn. And when one of the parents constantly and persistently corrects you, requires obedience to orders that exceed his parental authority, this is not normal. But children often mistake these for expressions of love.
“Some babies can handle aggression more easily than indifference,” adds Dominique Fremy, a pediatric neuropsychiatrist.
Knowing this, members of the French association Enfance et partage have released a disc in which children are explained what their rights are and what to do in cases of adult aggression.
RAISING THE ALARM IS THE FIRST STEP
Even when the child realizes that the situation is not normal, pain and love for parents begin to struggle in him. Maiwenn is sure that often instinct tells children to protect their relatives: “My school teacher was the first to sound the alarm, who, when she saw my bruised face, complained to the administration. My father came to school for me all in tears, asking why I told everything. And at that moment, I hated the teacher who made him cry.”
In such an ambiguous situation, children are not always ready to discuss their parents and wash dirty linen in public. “It interferes with the prevention of such situations,” adds Dr. Fremy. Nobody wants to hate their own parents.
A LONG WAY TO FORGIVENESS
Growing up, children react differently to their injuries: some try to erase unpleasant memories, others break off relations with their families, but problems still remain.
“Most often, it is at the time of starting their own family that victims of domestic aggression must clearly realize that the desire to have a child is closely related to the desire to restore their identity,” says Dr. Fremy. Growing up children do not need measures against their oppressive parents, but the recognition of their mistakes.
This is what Maiwenn is trying to convey: “What really matters is that adults admit their own mistakes before the court or public opinion does it.”
BREAK THE CIRCLE
Often, parents who behave aggressively towards their children, in turn, were deprived of affection in childhood. But is there no way to break this vicious circle? “I have never hit my child,” Maiwenn shares, “but once I spoke to her so harshly that she said: “Mom, I am afraid of you.” Then I became afraid that I was repeating the behavior of my parents, albeit in a different form. Don’t kid yourself: if you experienced aggression as a child, there is a high chance that you will repeat this pattern of behavior. Therefore, you need to turn to a specialist to free yourself from internal problems.
Even if you fail to forgive your parents, you should at least let go of the situation in order to save your relationship with your children.
Source: Doctissimo.