In a hyperconnected world, where touch and physical contact between humans is in sharp decline, some health professionals have warned of the lack of hugs, which would be necessary for our well-being, and even for our growth. A new practice has emerged: cuddle therapy. This practice has its source in this new lack of hugs of our time, and would install a new kind of exchange of hugs, by hug bars, special cuddle workshops and others, between strangers but in all confidence and safety. Why this new need for tenderness in therapy?

Cuddle therapy is defined as improving one’s state of health, stress, and standard of living by often (at least once a day) cuddling. Taking a person in his arms for several seconds, whether we know or not, would have very positive effects on our health. Thus, many workshops, cuddle bars have emerged, even allowing strangers to practice cuddle therapy.

First, for a simple reason: by cuddling, we release a hormone, oxytocin, also called the well-being and attachment hormone. This hormone is particularly produced during childbirth or breastfeeding, and is responsible for the mother’s attachment to the baby. It is of course also produced when we hug or hug our loved ones, when we hug them for at least twenty seconds. This provides a feeling of well-being, immediate appeasement, calm and fullness. Our skin and its small receptors also immediately send a message of well-being to the brain, and emotional security. 

It is not only hormonal and physiological since cuddles do us good because it refers to our early childhood, where we were more often cuddled by our parents. It refers to benevolence, love felt by the other person.

These hugs, which are therefore not sexual, promote a reduction in stress and improved social bonds. We feel less alone, since in the arms of another. Cuddles finally act as a natural antidepressant and improve immunity, by boosting our production of dopamine and lowering the stress hormone, cortisol. We are reconnected to our most primary, and most essential, emotional brain.

Today we can practice cuddling in workshops specifically created, allowing strangers to exchange moments of tenderness, outside of any sexuality or sensuality. These workshops allow men and women suffering from pathologies such as depression, burnout or other disorders, to improve their state of health through hugs exchanged with respect and listening.

In the first part of the workshop, the facilitator shares with the participants the keys to living relationships better on a daily basis and listening to each other better. She makes exchange a few words on their intention between participants before starting. Then, if they wish, the participants can benefit from three times of cuddles of 20 minutes each, with the person of their choice.

In today’s society, it has become difficult to admit a need for tenderness: nothing promotes contact or gentleness between people, while virtual and connected links are growing ever more rapidly. Worse, our young people today confuse tenderness and sexuality, which are totally different.

A hug is “completely hugging the other.” It is putting the other in his warmth, against his heart ”, explains Céline Rivière, clinical psychologist author of“ Câlinothérapie ”.

However, today, mistrust is more appropriate than tenderness, in a meeting: we are afraid of the other, of being rejected and of his reaction. We therefore often prefer to cuddle an animal, which protects us from narcissistic injury when they leave.

From the first seconds of life, when the mother gives birth to her baby, her survival depends on the embraces of the one who gives her life. Research on premature babies has shown that they gain more weight when affected. It is for this reason that babies, when they come out of the mother’s womb, are immediately taken skin to skin by the latter or by the father, if the mother is not able to do so. Skin contact is established for the survival of the baby.

So today, whether for an adult or a child, hugs are still necessary, every day and must last at least twenty seconds to take effect. As with adults, hugs generally last less, they must be multiplied during the day. We talk about “4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to function, and 12 to grow”, according to the American psychologist Virginia Satir.

According to Kathleen Keating in her book “The Little Big Hug Book”, “hugs speak a universal language (…) and are better than a long speech”. Hugs would allow better communication between humans, and thus better relationships, promoting exchanges, creativity. On the family side, ties are strengthened, on the love side, they last longer.