All children learn new skills by making mistakes.
Sorting laundry for the laundry is a difficult task for ten-year-old Jane. There is no limit to her surprise and disappointment when, opening the washing machine door, she does not find white underwear, towels and socks. All former white underwear has a heterogeneous rich pink color.
Jane, bewildered, begins sorting through the linen placed in the hopper of the machine. It seems to her that she did not put a single colored item in the car, only a soft pink T-shirt and her brother’s favorite deep red tushka with the image of Michael Jordon. The poor girl got two problems at the same time — dyed white underwear and her brother’s favorite red coat, faded. Over time, after a few washes, pink underwear will become white, but my brother’s faded cu will never be rich red. Jane had to give her brother part of her own savings as compensation for half the cost of a new one of the same cu. The next time she did the laundry, the girl double-checked the laundry sorted for washing. Jane is a girl who lives in a family of this type, where Mistakes are perceived as an opportunity to master a skill.
If Jane had lived in families of a different type, then her activities would have been evaluated differently. Some parents in a similar situation would exclaim: “What have you done? How dare you do it? You are a stupid child and you can not do a single thing well! Look at all this ruined linen. Do you think that money grows on trees or falls from the sky as rain? I will never trust you to do laundry again in my life. If I need to do something, I will never turn to you for help, but I will do it myself. Wait, that’s not all, your brother will give you a good beating!» Instead of solving the problem, parents drive their own child into a dead end. They generate fear of responsibility before independent actions. In this type of family, mistakes are a luxury. Mistakes require censure and punishment.
Other parents in this case will say: “Darling, this is not a reason for you to be upset. I will help you cope with the consequences of washing. You are still too young to deal with household problems. It’s okay if you and I wear pink underwear, and I’ll change my brother’s uu for a new one before he can find it. The child receives the message that he cannot solve his own problems on his own and should not be held accountable for his mistakes. Any mistake can be corrected by the parents, and the child will be protected from censure.
Remembering that mistakes are made in the moment of learning, parents of the third type try to support the moral state of children and suggest the right way to solve the problem. (“Jane, it’s too bad that this happened. I believe in your strength and intelligence and I know that you can draw your own conclusions. We need to rewash the whites with bleach, I think this will fix the situation. What do you think to do with .e.brother’s neck?”) Jane gets confirmation that something bad has happened. At the same time, the mother makes it clear that the problem that has arisen is solvable and that Jane herself is able to cope with the situation that has arisen.
The severity and solvability of the problem often depends on the parent’s point of view. When all three of my children were toddlers, I encouraged them to make chocolate chip cookies. I laid a plastic-coated mat on the kitchen floor and gave the children all the ingredients needed to make cookies. You can imagine what the floor and the surface of the mat spread in the kitchen were like in the midst of work. At that very time, a neighbor visited us: “Darling, do you see what your children are doing? What kind of mess have they made?» I replied, «It’s not a mess, the kids help me make cookies.» The perception of the situation depends on the person’s point of view on the existing issue. I have always believed that children should know how bread and cookies are made, how plants are planted and how they grow. It seemed to me that the idea of uXNUMXbuXNUMXbcookies from pictures on a colorful box was not correct. Children should imagine what components can be used to prepare a particular dish. If parents have a positive attitude towards their children acquiring new skills and solving various life problems, then the children adopt this positive attitude and go through life with a healthy perception of reality.