The ability to give all the best at work is admirable. Workaholics dedicate every minute to the cause. But, like any addiction, workaholism consumes physical and mental resources, threatening professional burnout. What lies behind the inability to relax?
My patient Eliot recently took a vacation. He works as a general practitioner and has been feeling tired and empty lately. He planned to sleep until noon, read novels, go for walks, watch the missed episodes of Game of Thrones.
But instead, he made a busy schedule for himself with visits to museums, concerts, theater and trips with friends to trendy bars and restaurants. In addition, the schedule included training in the gym and Spanish lessons.
Eliot complained that he felt even more exhausted than after work, and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He tried to figure out how he managed to do so much when he wasn’t going to do anything at all.
Doing nothing seemed to him an impossible task. Is it possible to do nothing?
When Eliot protests against “idleness,” he is acting from a Western culture that denounces lack of activity. He constantly demands high performance from himself and feels shame when his performance is low. But in the end, he is too tired to work and too stressed to rest.
This is one of the signs of burnout – the feeling of being exhausted and at the same time having an excruciating need to keep running somewhere. Burnout involves the inability to relax, that is, “do nothing.”
It prevents you from enjoying simple things – sleep, take a bath, take a leisurely walk, enjoy dinner or conversation. Recommending relaxation practices for people who don’t know how to relax is a pointless task.
What will help us learn to rest again?
In mild cases of burnout, exhaustion is caused by external rather than internal causes: stressful events – the experience of loss of a loved one, divorce, financial difficulties – and high demands in the workplace. In such cases, you should review your work schedule and do yoga or meditation.
You will already help yourself if you hear the needs of the inner “I” and understand that they do not always coincide with what the people and circumstances around you require from you. But such decisions seem unrealistic for workaholics with a high level of responsibility.
When the roots of burnout go too far, communication with a psychotherapist will help. Psychoanalytic sessions will become a way to voice and hear the flow of your own thoughts.
And the past will reveal the key to the causes of burnout
In the case of Eliot, it turned out that way. In his family, it was not customary to rest. Even now, his retired parents don’t like to just watch TV, read books, or talk. He remembers family dinners on the run, when his father and mother tried to eat quickly and run away on business.
His own life was always overloaded with homework and extracurricular activities, and his “laziness” was severely attacked by his parents. “They were obsessed with activity and instilled in me a sense of guilt for the so-called waste of time,” he said in one of our sessions.
We often mindlessly follow habits and indulge in workaholism, not realizing that we live according to the pattern instilled as a result of education. But sometimes it is worth considering whether we are living the right way and whether we really like such a life.
About the Author: Josh Cohen is a British psychoanalyst, University of London lecturer and writer. Author of Private Life: Why We Wander in the Dark.