He is just waiting for the moment to humiliate you, make you look weak and lazy. Sensing your weakness, he will not fail to take advantage of it. Psychologist Arianna Oud talks about how a situation of bullying arises and what can be countered by an aggressor.
Every aggressor, no matter what his methods, pursues one goal: to take away power from another in order to become the master of the situation himself.
The usual bullying strategy is to deprive the victim of the opportunity to respond. The aggressor seeks to take the victim by surprise so that she can not do anything and thus accepted the loss of status. If the aggressor succeeds, he continues the pressure to finally assert his superiority. Moreover, the stronger the feeling of humiliation experienced by the victim, the more difficult it is to resist.
Five common scenarios in which the bully decides to bully:
- He is afraid of losing his job. Even if this fear is not supported by any facts, the fear of failure and humiliation clouds his mind. He begins to find fault with a more successful colleague in the hope of diverting attention from his own shortcomings and presenting himself as the guardian of order.
- He prefers a tough relationship style and recognizes only an open show of force. He despises everyone who seems to him insufficiently visible, active and self-confident. To amuse his pride, he chooses an inconspicuous but productive employee and arranges a public “flogging” for him.
- He is envious of the success of others. Instead of working hard on his own skills, he puts spokes in the wheels of more successful colleagues and prevents them from reaping the fruits of their labors.
- He is afraid that a more talented employee will take his place., even if this person does not crave competition and does not show special ambitions. Instead of dealing with their unconscious fears, the aggressor tries to eliminate a colleague so that no one, even theoretically, could encroach on his position in the company.
- He is envious of other people’s results. But instead of achieving the same skill as a colleague, the aggressor undermines his confidence, pushing him to failure. Now the aggressor can act as a savior, finishing his work for a colleague and earning the praise of his superiors.
The consequences of bullying can be very severe. Those who have been bullied at work often worry that they will not be able to regain their former self-confidence. Capable, active and creative people become lethargic, anxious and lack of initiative.
Even if your options are limited, you have several options when attacking. What you say and do at this time can both confirm the aggressor in his right to torment you with impunity, and neutralize him.
If you give in at the very beginning, you risk losing the initiative and accepting the role of the victim that is being imposed on you.
One of the effective ways is to openly respond to attacks. Better to argue than to remain silent. If you give in at the beginning, you risk losing the initiative and accepting the role of the victim that is being forced on you. Accuse him of bluffing and offer to substantiate the criticism. Ask them to put their claims in writing and hand them over to their superiors. Your goal is to cool the opponent’s offensive ardor, to force him to answer and justify himself.
No matter how difficult your situation, you have a choice! You just need to not be wrong.
About the Developer
Arianna Oud psychologist, coach, author of books on productivity and relationships at work, including Managing Workplace Bullying: How to Identify, Respond to and Manage Bullying Behavior in the Workplace, Palgrave Macmillan, 2009).