It is almost impossible to avoid the appearance of teasers in the children’s team, but it is necessary to fight them.
Parents and educators should not disregard situations where children call each other names. The task of the teacher is to stop the appearance and use of offensive nicknames in the classroom. You can talk separately with the instigators, you can arrange a class hour on this topic. It is necessary to discuss with the victim why others call names (take offense at him, want to attract his attention?).
It happens that the child does not understand what he is saying, or does not realize that he is uttering very offensive and offensive words. It should be explained to him that in this way he offends all those present and it is indecent to use such words. Teenagers can be told that people use swearing only as a last resort, when out of desperation they no longer have enough strength and words, and help them change their attitude to difficult situations. For example, one teacher suggested that her fifth graders use the names of dinosaurs or flowers instead of common swear words. You can call a classmate who steps on his foot a diplodocus or a cactus. This will also sound emotional, but much less gu.e. and humorous.
It is useful to play associations with the guys — take turns talking about what objects, animals, seasons, etc. they associate with each other. It is better to start the game in small groups so that everyone can speak out and be in the central role. You can discuss why this or that association has arisen. This game helps to draw the child’s attention to which of his qualities are significant to others.
Parents, if a child complains of being teased, should talk to him about how you can and should respond to the call.
Don’t react at all (ignore, disregard) This is quite difficult to do, but in some cases it is effective. For example: «Hare, hare!» calls a classmate. Do not respond until you call by name, pretend that you do not understand who they are addressing. Say: “Actually, my name is Vasya. Did you call me?»
React out of the box. A child who calls names always expects to receive a certain reaction from the victim (resentment, anger, etc.), the unusual behavior of the victim can stop aggression. For example, you can agree with the nickname: “Yes, my mother also thinks that I am somewhat similar to an owl, I see better at night, and I like to sleep in the morning.” Or laugh together: “Yes, we have such a surname, so they teased my great-grandfather.” By the way, parents can talk at home with the child about the fact that often in a team children call each other names, distorting, distorting surnames, and come up with nicknames. You can remember how they called them names at one time, try to make a new one out of the surname together, determine who will come up with a more original, unusual one, and laugh together. Then it will be easier for the child not to be offended by peers — he will be ready for this.
Explain yourself. You can calmly say to a calling peer: “I am very sorry to hear this”, “Why do you want to offend me?”. One second grader (the largest in the class) was called fat by another boy. To which the object of ridicule said: “You know, something I don’t want to be friends with you at all.” This impressed the aggressor so much that he apologized and stopped calling names.
Do not succumb to provocation. Classmates chased a fifth grade student and called him Masyanya. He got angry and rushed at them with his fists. Everyone ran away with delight, and then started again. The boy was asked to try (as an experiment, such a suggestion is always readily accepted by children) the next time not to rush at the offenders with his fists, but to turn to them and calmly say: “Guys, I’m tired, let me rest.”
Don’t let yourself be manipulated. Very often, children seek to force their peers to do something with the help of name-calling. For example, everyone knows the “take on weakly” technique. For all intents and purposes, the child is told that he does not do something because he is a «coward», «scumbag», etc., thus putting him before a choice: either agree to do what is required of him (often break some rules or put himself in danger), or he will remain in the eyes of those around him as a «squishy» and «coward». Of all the situations associated with name-calling, this is probably the most difficult. And here it is very difficult to help a child get out of it with dignity, because it is not easy for an adult to resist the opinion of the majority, especially those with whom you will have to communicate in the future.
In this sense, it is very interesting to discuss with the child the story of V.Yu. Dragunsky “Workers crush the stone”, in which Deniska finally decided to jump from the tower, but not because everyone laughed at him, but because he could not respect himself if he had not done so. The child’s attention should be drawn to the fact that in each specific situation it is necessary not to rush, to weigh all the pros and cons, to understand what is more important: to prove something to others or to maintain self-respect.
To answer. Sometimes it is useful to respond to the offender in the same way, not to be a passive victim, but to become an equal with the offender.
When another fight happened in the sixth grade and the head teacher asked: “Well, why are you fighting ?!” — one of the fighters replied: “And he teases me. Calls «bald birch»! The boy had the surname Berezin, and his opponent had a hard-to-pronounce Georgian surname, his name was Koba. And the head teacher exclaimed in her hearts: “Well, you tease him, say — “Shaggy Koba”! Why fight something?!”
Maybe teaching this is not pedagogical, but sometimes there is no other way out. True, you can answer not with an insult, but with a special excuse.
Say goodbye. According to the observations of M.V. Osorina, it is very important for 5-9-year-old children to be able to shout out an excuse in response to name-calling — a kind of defense against verbal attack. Knowing such excuses helps not to leave an insult unanswered, to stop the conflict, to remain calm (at least outwardly), to surprise and, accordingly, stop the attacker. The last word in this case remains with the victim.
Here are examples of answers:
«Black box office —
I have the key
who calls —
on himself!»
«Chiki-trucks are a wall!»
(The child puts a barrier between himself and the name-calling with his hand).
«There was a crocodile,
swallowed your word
but left mine!
«Whoever calls names — he calls himself that!»
«- Fool!
“Nice to meet you, and my name is Petya.”
All excuses should be pronounced in a calm, friendly tone, trying to reduce everything to a joke.
Outcast children — the consequences of bullying
In 1981, American psychologists Achenbach and Edelbrock conducted a study, the results of which showed that “a child’s confidence in his position can contribute to the development of his life skills in a team, and rejection by peers entails the development of isolation, but not leads to a weakening of those traits by which it is caused. Besides, Difficulty in relationships with peers that appeared in childhood is often a harbinger of emotional distress in the future.
In a number of works by domestic and foreign psychologists, it is noted that unfavorable relationships in the team contribute to the emergence of persistent negative experiences in the child, the disappearance of self-confidence and a decrease in the ability and desire to learn. They are often the cause of early dropout from school. The lack of social recognition and communication is compensated by the search for an out-of-school circle of peers, which is characterized by illegal behavior. Bad relationships in the classroom lead to other negative consequences. See →