Here are two third-graders, friendly in communication with everyone else (and especially with adults), looking at their friend’s album and laughing out loud, commenting on each page, trying to attract the attention of the others. A classmate at this time is peacefully sitting at his desk and reading a book. He had not approached these guys before, he had not interacted with them in any way. What motivates kids to behave this way? Are they taking revenge for something or are they trying to win the attention of others? These guys claim leadership positions in the class, and the boy they ridicule is unpopular among classmates (some parents also spoke negatively about him in a conversation with me), in addition, he will not rush to offenders with his fists …
Usually, one or two people in the class become the initiators of bullying or active rejection of a classmate. For some reason, they did not like one of their classmates, and they begin to tease, bully, ridicule, defiantly avoid, not take them into games. The process of rejection begins very early: already in the second or third quarter in the first grade, it becomes clear who has become an outcast in the class, and who is the initiator of his persecution. Boys are the initiators of harassment of both boys and girls, and girls most often attack girls, and in the case of harassment of a boy, they either simply share a common point of view, or even begin to defend the outcast. Most often, the persecution of someone is based on the desire to assert themselves, to stand out. Very rarely bullying is the result of personal revenge for something.
It is believed that offending and affirming at the expense of others are children who are not self-confident, «offended by life.» According to Alfred Adler, “Often an inferiority complex is hidden behind a superiority complex that serves as compensation. In this case, arrogance, obsession, complacency, arrogance, etc. are present in a person. (Adler A. Science to live. Kyiv: «Port-royal», 1997. P. 154.). However, I observed how quite prosperous guys became instigators. They were so sure of their superiority that they considered themselves entitled to mock others and persecute peers who did not please them.
This position of the children was largely explained by the position of their parents, who believed that a child who was objectionable to them should be removed from the class. In a personal conversation with me, these parents not only did not agree to recognize the behavior of their children as unacceptable, characterizing them as very kind and noble in everyday life (and gives to the poor, and sheds tears over homeless animals). They actively denied the guilt of their own child: they say that all his actions are protection from arbitrariness on the part of the victim, who is to blame (indeed, the victims often provoke an unfriendly attitude towards themselves, but not to the same extent).
So, Bullying can be initiated by:
- active, sociable children claiming to be the leader in the class;
- aggressive children who have found an unrequited victim for self-affirmation;
- children who want to be the center of attention at any cost;
- children who are accustomed to treating others with a sense of superiority, dividing everyone into “us” and “them” (such chauvinism or snobbery is the result of appropriate family upbringing);
- egocentrics who do not know how to sympathize with others, put themselves in the place of others;
- maximalists, unwilling to compromise children (especially in adolescence).
The instigators, according to my observations, are distinguished by the following:
- High self-esteem and a high level of ambition.
Arkasha has repeatedly demonstrated disdain for classmates. Once in a lesson, the whole class laughed at how a neighbor on the desk wrote an exercise in a notebook. Favorite position — lounging at the desk, legs crossed. At the same time, he demonstrates self-confidence with all his appearance (in all tests he emphasizes that he is good, takes care of loved ones: “I worry and take care of others”).
- The desire to unite classmates around him in order to feel significant, to be in the center of attention.
Third-graders took off the tinsel and bows that decorated the classroom during the celebration of the New Year. Dima, having attached the bows to Mitya’s briefcase, stands next to him and laughs loudly, pointing to the briefcase. None of the guys, and even Mitya himself, at first pay no attention to what is happening. Then Dima starts to catch the guys passing by, show what he has done, calling for a laugh together. Some classmates willingly begin to giggle, someone clings more bows to the briefcase. Mitya is still indifferent to what is happening — he leafs through the book with enthusiasm. It seems that it is not so much important for Dima to anger, offend Mitya, but to attract the attention of classmates, to amuse them (albeit at the expense of Mitya’s humiliation).
- Striving for justice.
Petya beat Vitya, who accidentally knocked over the stand with the textbooks of his neighbor on the desk. Usually Petya makes loud hurtful remarks to those who, in his opinion, are doing something wrong. He sincerely believes that he has the right to do so: if a classmate behaves badly (interferes with the lesson, offended someone, it doesn’t matter if it was by accident or not), Petya seeks to punish the violator. A similar type of champion of justice is described in V.K. Zheleznikov’s story «Scarecrow» — Iron Button, who does not know mercy and indulgence.
Bullying a child — Persecutors
As already mentioned, several people become the instigators of bullying, all the rest are their followers. They gladly laugh at the failures of the outcast, hide his things in the toilet, pick up offensive nicknames, do not miss the opportunity to push him, insult him or defiantly ignore him and do not want to accept him in their games. Why do kind and sympathetic towards their loved ones children become tyrants for a peer who has not done anything bad to them personally? See →