Contents
Without even trying to dodge the hail of stones that fly towards the author, he, anticipating this brief instruction, only wants to inform the beautiful half of humanity that he is not going to primitivize or caricature the Woman, as is usually characteristic of such works.
Instead, the author initially emphasizes that of all aspects of this multifaceted and mysterious phenomenon of nature, colloquially referred to as «Woman», the author wants to single out only one and explore it in isolation from any context and relationship with other aspects. Every line of this text is permeated with deep admiration of the author for the opposite sex: this directly confirms the fact that every time the word “Woman” occurs in this text, it is written with a capital letter, while “man” always begins with a small letter. .
The purpose of the research conducted in this work is definitely neither the Woman Friend (WL) (they say that among the limitless diversity of the terrestrial fauna there is also such a thing, it must be somewhere in Africa where Livingston did not get), much less the Woman-Friend Girlfriend (ZHPO) (this mythical person was mentioned once somewhere, it seems, in the Sumerian-Akkadian epic), nor Woman Colleague (LC) (since the author, due to the peculiarities of his professional activity, was not gifted from above with this divine grace, often to work with Women Colleagues (LC), for which, due to his immeasurable stupidity, he is infinitely grateful to the Almighty)
The purpose of this study is the Female Partner (WP). Since the author repeatedly encountered the actions of the ZhP, which neither the wisest books nor the most learned men could explain to him, the author decided to systematize his personal experience with this work so that his glorious brother-soldiers (meaning persons of the same gender as the author, although if the reader thought that — something else, he is not so wrong, given the specifics of relations between the sexes) did not repeat the mistakes made by the author, the main of which was his inability, due to his inexperience, to determine the correct type of GB in a timely manner, for which he, subsequently, was cruelly and spectacularly punished by the person to whom these lines are dedicated.
In practical terms, it makes sense to consider two classes of experimental creatures: Woman Wife (LJ) and Woman Bitch (W). No matter how much the author delved into the research, he could not single out any other classes of HPs worthy of research. For some time the author erroneously thought that the third class should be considered, namely the Romantic Woman, but on closer examination the author always found that this was nothing more than a well-disguised female, who, like a cuttlefish, was better than others at spraying pink ink into her eyes.
The most common is the class of Women-Women. Already from the name it is clear that this category of Ladies has an official partner (often several more unofficial ones, which she carefully hides from the official ones). If there is no partner, then she publicly looks for him, or at least pretends to be looking intensely. The very existence of LiveJournal is threatened if the partner is not announced for a long time. In the early stages of life, LJ does not settle for anything less than a fairytale prince, closer to maturity and a homeless person will get away if he is washed, dressed and combed a little (the latter is especially important).
As for the Bitch Women, they always emphasize the presence of a complete absence of any partner. This is a necessary factor for the successful hunting of men, which is the main reason for the existence of the ZhS. In fact, they may have dozens of them, but they carefully hide this: you never know when a more interesting man will appear on the horizon, you must always be ready. for men, JS squeezes to the last drop, like a lemon, throwing it away when it goes bad or gets a new one. Rarely does a Bitch Woman take more than 24 hours to replace a man. It cannot be said that ZhS does not love anyone, on the contrary, ZhS loves sincerely and devotedly, she has one love for life. It’s just that many men don’t understand that this love is like a portrait frame: every time she inserts a new portrait there as needed.
One of the phenomena inexplicable to science is that ZhS and ZhZh are waging a much more bloody and irreconcilable war between themselves than even men and women. LJ sees under every bush, in every Woman Friend, in every Woman Colleague, a hidden LS. Even in other LJ. LiveJournal is very happy with the fact that she has already found her man and now she does not need to waste time on strangers, always acting on the principle of «bad, but her own.» LJ is very proud that she managed to equip her life. LJ emphatically flaunts the pleasure that she supposedly gets by washing and feeding her man. She despises ZhS for exchanging a cozy family hearth for an imaginary, useless, freedom. LiveJournal is sincerely sure that any ZhS sleeps and sees in a dream the opportunity to become, finally, LiveJournal, and with the help of the man who was recaptured from LiveJournal.
As for ZhS, she despises ZhZ for the fact that, according to ZhS, she gave up true freedom for the imaginary advantages of a comfortable life. ZhS prides itself on being free to choose any men she likes, including men who are recaptured from ZhJ and, subsequently, solemnly abandoned. ZhS despises ZhZh for the fact that the latter is always serving her man, instead of wasting time on herself. ZhS is sincerely sure that any LJ dreams of becoming a ZhS, simply, due to her cowardice, she is afraid to do it.
For men, it is very important to correctly classify the prospective partner, because, unlike a Woman, a man loves either a Bitch or a Woman and does not like it when one becomes another, especially when at the same time.
But this task, unfortunately, is complicated many times over by the fact that ZhP, during her life, can repeatedly change class: this is how a born Bitch can become a respectable Wife for a while, at least in appearance and behave for some time, as is characteristic of this class. ZhP. On the contrary, under certain circumstances, but at least once every four weeks, a completely decent LiveJournal turns into an inveterate Bitch.
Mimicry is the deadly weapon of any HP. So, a Bitch, wanting to get a man, is able to sing to him for days about her love only for him alone for life, until she meets a more suitable object for her love outpourings, and the Wife becomes a real Bitch when she sees a potential female on the horizon.
Dear men! Please take care of your ZhP, regardless of whether they are ZhS or ZhZh. After all, you see, life is boring when it is predictable, when you know what to expect from a partner and are sure that he will not put a pig on you, you just have to turn away! After all, only the need to survive after the surprises that ZhP presents us makes us move and keep ourselves in shape!
Classification development
A respected colleague in the classification of Women, Mr. Vladimir Volkonsky, approached the issue of classification of Women from the other side: while this classification explores the Woman in depth, his classification does it in breadth. The author thinks that the combined classifications will close the last white spots on the map of the Woman’s soul!
So, here it is this priceless artifact:
F-blue stocking (detachment F-failed wives, suborder F-nerds), F-hen-hen (detachment F-wives, suborder F-wives are ideal), F-intellectual (detachment F-wives, suborder F-“I can’t cook»), F-careerist (detachment of F-bitches, subgroup of F-«I want money and power, I don’t know what else»), F-«boy-woman» (detachment of F-bitches, sub-detachment of F-«I can do it in faces ”), F-your boyfriend (endangered species), F-fatal woman (squad F-bitches, sub-order F-they don’t know about it), F-muse (squad F-wives, sub-order F- “not enough for everyone” ), F-social lioness (squad of F-bitches, subgroup of F-“I don’t want to work”), F-Barbie doll (squad of F-bitch, suborder of F-cute bitch), F-vixen (squad of F-bitches, suborder of F — down and out bitches), F-blonde (squad of F-bitches, sub-order of F — “how smart you have to be to seem such a fool!”).
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.