Small children do not know what «their own» and «alien» are, they easily take everything that they like from others and leave their own as soon as they are tired of it for a minute. How to teach children to respect other people’s property and take care of their own? Many parents think that the right attitude to property can only be developed if the child has this property, and they are in a hurry to give the child expensive toys: “Now this is yours! Take care! Don’t break, don’t lose! The child rejoices at the gift, but breaks and loses everything as before.
Most mothers are convinced that for this it is enough for the child to say that “This is yours!”, And the child will begin to take care of “his own”. They think that «property» brings up the child by itself. No, it’s not. «Property» educates a smart and adult child, but it may corrupt yours … Dear mothers, we know that you love children and you like to give them everything, but children do not form the right attitude to things from this. A child who now has “his own” has not yet become smarter and more responsible. He can now become both generous (“Take it, I don’t feel sorry!”), And greedy (“I won’t give it to you, it’s mine!”), He can begin to treat both very carefully and carelessly thoughtlessly: he dragged a donated expensive model of an airplane to his friends, there this plane was broken together in the first five minutes.
Older children already know what “own” and “alien” are, but they scatter and break their things. Moreover, precisely because these are “their” things, “their property”, they can not listen to you and do whatever they want with their things. If the child’s thing is “already his”, then your words “how you should use it” already sound light-weighted: I want to listen, I want — no. My thing, the owner is me! And if the thing breaks, then it’s none of your business, it’s my thing: I’ll deal with it myself.
You gave your son a radio-controlled car and want to show him how to handle it properly. Aha! Everything, this is already his, he will play the way he wants, and pick out the battery from there with a screwdriver, as he pleases. And don’t interfere, don’t interfere: once you’ve given it, now it’s mine, put your hands away!
Here is the first hint for you: do not rush to give things to the child in his full personal property, give the children things to use, clearly indicating the rules. For example: “Mom and I bought you a Lego set, as you asked. Mom — kiss! Listen to the rules. The first rule: you are in charge of the game. You will teach your sister how to use it, but if she breaks or loses something, it is not she who answers, but you. You are the eldest. The second rule: game details live only in the box. If you go to watch TV and Lego pieces are scattered around the room, I take the game for a few days. And the third rule: the rule «Stop!» You start to quarrel — do not shout, do not fight, but say «Stop!» and stop everything. Repeat the rules!
Total: children know the rules of use, and parents manage the process. No statements: “This is my game, I play how I want!” — will not. It doesn’t have to be said, but the Lego game that parents bought belongs to the parents, not the children. The game is given to children only for use and the game can be taken away at any time. We started throwing details, it’s not Lego anymore, we’re picking up the game. Teach your child that everything in the house is determined by the parents.
Lord, in our time it’s already scary to formulate these words: “In the house, everything is determined by parents, not children” … However, in order to accustom children to cooperation and respect, the first step should be just that: respect for the word of parents. If this is not the case, they will simply not listen to you. Think about it for yourself and read the article “All the best for adults!”.
“Who uses the thing” and “Who is the owner of the thing” are two different questions. Uses — a child, and is the owner — dad (or mom). Why so? So you will quickly bring up in children the correct, careful attitude to his things. Dear parents, the correct attitude of the child to things, the understanding of “mine” and “not mine”, the ability to protect and not break is a skill, and the skill is developed not as a result of your kind attitude towards the child, but as a result of well-structured training. What? How it’s done?
Children learn from examples. If you show by your own example every day that shoes need to be cleaned, clothes from the street should not be thrown on chairs, but hung in a closet, and your table is usually sorted out and there are no extra items (remove the cup, right?), then gradually it will become part of the child’s consciousness: «normal people live like this.»
Children live by the rules. Children always live by the rules, it’s just not always your rules. And you need them to live by your rules, so teach your children to listen and obey you, and formulate rules that are smart, simple and understandable. «Every game lives in its own box.» «To start a new game, you must first remove the old one.» «Toys don’t fight.» “Use the stop rule!” and «Everything is decided by the elders.»
Any new business needs to be mastered under supervision and control. The child does not yet know how to use “his own”, so teach it step by step in the same detail as you taught him to tie his shoelaces. “Like this” you can take this toy, but you can’t. So it is correct to play it, and it is impossible to knock it like that. You play together — well done, but you start to quarrel — I take away the toy. And to make it easy to take away, you don’t need to “give forever.” All the things in your house belong to you, the parents, your children have nothing that he could “not give” to you: do not create these unnecessary troubles for yourself.
And when you succeed and your children learn to use things correctly: they will take care of them, they will share them wisely — then you can finally give them anything in their full ownership: phones, iPhones, tablets and any others, in including really expensive things. Smart children of wise parents, that is, your children, everything is already possible!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.