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Sometimes children do not obey us, and they have to be punished. A time-out is one of the humane punishment options, in reality it is an interruption of contact with a child for educational purposes. There are many variations of a timeout, but usually with this style of punishment, you leave the child alone for a short period of time, stop communicating with him yourself, or deprive him of communication with those with whom he had fun. Sometimes it sounds like punishment for the child, sometimes like help: to give him the opportunity to calm down.
It seems to many that a timeout is a must to put the child in a corner and so that he does not even turn around! No, it’s not. The “quiet chair” option for a normal child is much more understandable and calmer: if he gets naughty, you need to sit quietly in a chair to calm down. At the same time, you can do whatever you want, but you can’t leave the chair.
As many mothers note, a time-out is especially good because while the child is sitting in a “quiet chair”, they themselves come to their senses and calm down. It seems that this method sometimes has a more beneficial effect not on children, but on the parents themselves …
A time-out is not necessarily a punishment of deprivation, it is in many ways the cessation of reinforcement of a behavior that we evaluate as undesirable. It must be taken into account that for a child, even our screams at him are already in some sense a joy, since the child receives attention from us. And if we stop paying attention to him, then often only because of this the child calms down: why, really, be outrageous if no one is looking at it?
For example, a four-year-old child shouts out in rage: “I hate you, I hate you!” and beats his mother’s legs with his fists. Instead of continuing to argue with him, try to do the opposite: stop paying attention to the child and start minding your own business: he will not break your bones. You and your child have a break, a time-out. Usually, after a few minutes, rage will be replaced by snoring and a lost look … Now turn your attention back to the child, hug, cuddle and change the topic of conversation.
A time-out is not only and not so much a punishment as an opportunity for the child to come to his senses and calm down. When a child is rowdy, it is difficult for him to think. In order for him to begin to think, he needs to be alone and not run. Organize such conditions for children!
The older sister hit the younger one. The younger one cries, and the older one refuses to apologize. Insist? There will be a lot of screaming. Instead, give the eldest daughter a task: “You are going to the next room, you need to calm down. When you calm down and are ready to apologize to your sister, tell me.” Usually after a few minutes the situation changes to a more favorable one.
And sometime a time-out is a clash of wills: a clash of the will of the parent and the will of the child. Who is stronger?
For example, the child is naughty, refuses to obey the parent. If so, you can tell him: «I will not talk to you, play and communicate with you while you behave like this.» This can result in an hour or two hours of a strike, but if you show patience and perseverance, the child will still go, and quietly grumbling, change clothes, clean up, sit down for lessons … The main thing is that he understands — if you said so and will be.
What else could a timeout at home be like? For example, you take a child by the hand and take him to his room, removing all electronic entertainment from there. Books and simple games can be left, but the phone, iPads and read the joys of life, including friends — the child loses all this. If the child obeys you, then it’s even easier to put him on a chair next to you, let him sit alone and get a little bored.
There are many options: leave one in the room, put it in a corner, put it on the step of the stairs, etc. The main thing is not for long (several minutes) and be sure to explain why. Parents write: “A child from kindergarten brought the concept of a naughty corner to us — a corner for the naughty. She played pranks and said: “I’m going to sit in a corner!”. Well, my husband and I decided to practice. It worked great for us. Now we don’t put it in practice, if anything, it’s enough to warn about the future. Yes, and in the program Nanny 911 they highly recommend time-out — to put them somewhere, even on a sofa or on a chair. They also set a timer: 1 minute for each year of the child, i.e. if 2 years — 2 minutes to sit, 8 years — 8 minutes. With a timer, the child understands when it is possible to go out, and it is clear that this will not last forever. ”
Another interesting experience: “My daughter is now telling me how her girlfriends are put in the mother’s corner. And she came up with her own punishment. «When I’m naughty, if you get too tired, put me on the closet»
If the child does not obey you at all, does not sit on a chair, comes out of the corner and runs away from his room, then his actions must be physically blocked (hold the door or stand in the doorway, blocking the exit), and you just need to endure crying and screaming. Actually, crying and screaming are not harmful to the health of the child, and reasonable people around you will support you.
It is more difficult to use this method in a public place, but if not everything is terribly neglected and you have already successfully used this approach at home, then it will help you both on the street and in the supermarket. In a supermarket, you can use a shopping cart (put a child there), or a public toilet, or a corner of the store as a punishment room. Alternatively, you just leave the supermarket … If you took the child by the hand, it’s easier to deal with the child, and if you left the supermarket, leaving him there, then, of course, you didn’t completely leave, but just pretended to leave , and observe what is happening hidden.
If a child misbehaves in the car, again, you need to start counting. Punishment: You stop on the side of the road and don’t go anywhere until everyone calms down, or you turn around and go home instead of for a walk.
How effective is this method? At what age and in what style should it be used?
There are no perfect methods, and timeout is not suitable for everyone and not always.
It should be noted that this method only works immediately after the offense: delayed punishment is no longer effective. On the other hand, timeout is effective precisely as an urgent method of stopping outrages and works where the «method of natural consequences» and «learning from your own mistakes» fail: they work reliably, but very slowly …
You can start using this method from the age of 2, this method is most effective when the child is 3-4 years old. On the other hand, if you transform the timeout and accompany it with a warning known to the child, such as “One! Two! Three!», then its effectiveness will increase significantly. In this embodiment, it can be used already in the period from 2 to 12 years.
Parents write
For our dip-bottom, the corner is the only true punishment. The rest he does not perceive at all. Yes, and «angle» for him is a relative concept. If dad threatens him with a «corner» — this is one thing, he understands that this is serious. Well, if it’s me, then something like this: he stands in the designated conditional “corner” for a couple of minutes, but then he easily leaves it. Dad is dissatisfied with this, but on the contrary, I think that we should not overdo it with these «executions».
I, between a «quiet» chair and a corner, would definitely choose a «quiet» chair. The corner seems to me … mmmm … more humiliating, or something. Especially under the condition of upbringing in mental-Soviet families (this is where you don’t turn your nose to the wall). A chair is a softer option: sit on a chair, but at the same time do what you want, only you can’t leave.
In grades 1-2, my first teacher put my classmates in a corner. How I envied them! After all, you can not write, not work! Get a toy out of your pocket and play!
At home, this kind of execution was unknown to me, so I have no idea how to do it with my own child. Sometimes it’s enough to say, «Time out!» and shut up for 5 minutes.
Kristan visits my corner, it acts as a sedative. He stands there for no more than 2-3 minutes and comes out a completely different person!
And Gabrielochka doesn’t need a corner — she understands everything, and we agree perfectly!
And I brought the concept of «corner» from the garden. But since we are goodies and favorites in the garden, other children are put in a corner there. So, his concept of an angle has somehow transformed, and when he is not in a good mood or is offended by us, he PUNISHES US: “That’s it!!! I’m standing in the corner! ”… and goes to the chosen corner, and pouts …
I never thought to put it in a corner, it was somehow soviet. I tell mine to sit on my father’s computer chair. Previously, she did not sit, but now she sits. Still depends on the child. I looked after my nephew, who was 1,5, and put him on the stairs when there was something (I’ll clarify — when he beat Anya). And he sat, he could try to get up once, but I put him back, and he did not get up again. It was evident from the child that he was aware that he had done harm. It’s the same with my little one now: she knows what she did wrong and sits. By the way, the fact that she is sitting on a chair is also a plus: then she is even happy to collect toys later, just so as not to sit on a chair.
It seems to me that putting a child in a corner or spanking him for a fault is only from parental impotence. I don’t put my children in a corner, I don’t beat, I try to explain to the child why he was wrong, and why his mother got angry. The most terrible punishment we have is that watching cartoons is cancelled.
Usually, if Masha starts to go too far and no persuasions and arguments work, we take her to the bedroom with the words: sit, calm down, then you will leave. As a rule, after 5 minutes he comes out in a normal mood. Often it even happens that she gets angry and goes into the bedroom herself. And then, calming down, he leaves.
It seems to me that taking it into a room and leaving it to cool is a good way. There is no humiliation in it, as with a corner. And most importantly, if you take away not as a punishment, but as a help: “You need to cool down”, “You need to be alone, otherwise we will quarrel.”
And we have already tried the timeout. When our offspring suddenly started to fight. They put him on a chair, right in the living room, for a couple of minutes. Shouted, but acted. Once we were in the bedroom, and he suddenly swung again, I told him, «Go cool down.» And surprisingly, he went. There was no chair in place, so he fell right on the floor and mutters: “Sit and think how to beat!”
In general, it passed with him, and I don’t know exactly the reason for neither the beginning nor the end.
We tried to put it in a corner a couple of times, after a minute she starts singing songs there, playing something, after a couple of minutes she completely forgets that she was punished, comes out as if nothing had happened, and starts doing her own thing. With a chair, the same thing, only longer in time. But always, after thinking, he asks for forgiveness (however, after 5 minutes, bad behavior again).
The best thing is to immediately explain what she is doing badly and how she should behave (but the main thing here is not to break loose, because in the process of explaining we ourselves often turn to laughter because of her counter-arguments).
We use the “sit, cool, think” method — I just sit on the sofa in the other corner of the room. If it doesn’t help, and the situation repeats itself, I send it to my room. And on this, as a rule, the conflict is settled, because. going to your room is already a change of scenery.
I use a corner for punishment, but my daughter is not standing there alone, but next to me, and I explain to her that I don’t like her behavior. The angle works very well.
We also have a corner in the garden, called the «corner for reflection.» The teacher said that there was a boy in the group who asked to stand there. And then one day the girl got spoiled, her teacher took her to a corner, and there this boy sits and offers: “Can I sit here instead of her.” You see, the child loves silence.
We had such a mess last year. A child comes home from kindergarten and says: «Mom, I want to go to the corner.» I’m confused, how? «What for?» I ask. «I misbehaved.» Well, if you want, go, I don’t mind. She will go, close herself in the bath and begin to cry quietly there. If I go to him, he says “leave!”. He will stand like this, then he calls me, I will come, pick him up, sit with him for a while, after that everything is fine. Then it passed. Why so? I didn’t understand at first. Maybe it relieved stress or something. Then we had it during an illness, when we didn’t go to kindergarten for a long time, and I understood that when he gets tired, he needs to cry. And the corner is kind of a reason to cry «legally».
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