“You don’t decide where we go. Parents decide,” the French are strict in raising their children. The authority of the elders is unshakable. A child is not the “center of the universe”, he adapts to the rules adopted in society: on a par with adults, he stands in line at the store and in the toilet, he calmly dine with his parents in a restaurant and is in no hurry to leave the table. Playrooms for children in restaurants are rare in France. Children are «little adults». The words «hello», «thank you» and «goodbye» are instilled in children from birth along with the words «mom» and «dad».
French children, of course, play and play pranks, but when crossing the boundaries of what is permitted, any adult — whether it be one of the parents or a stranger in general — has the right to reprimand the child. I was not very pleased when one day my neighbor took my son screaming all over the street to the side, because he did not want to climb the stairs himself, and harshly explained to him that “yelling at mom is FORBIDDEN and that even if you don’t like it, anyway, SHE decides, and NOT YOU. After that, he wept even harder, but afterwards he no longer acted up at the sight of this staircase.
“Children love to “make whims”, and the task of an adult is in no case to follow their lead and not to yield to the child at this moment,” the director of my daughter’s school once taught me. As a result, French children are polite and undemanding. But at the same time, paradoxically, they are quite open and self-confident. It is difficult to call them notorious: they calmly and judiciously share their opinions with their elders, do not hesitate to go on stage, etc. Maybe because, despite their demanding behavior of the child, the French, on the contrary, are quite loyal to his successes at school and in clubs. Parents wholeheartedly rejoice at any achievements of their children and, without any hesitation, can say that their child is the best.
I suddenly remembered one well-known Hollywood comedy… In the house of the main character’s parents, a letter hung in the most prominent place. For an honorable tenth place in some school competitions. For tenth place … out of ten. The film was a lot of fun to watch — the comedy is simply a masterpiece. But it’s not about literacy, of course. And the fact that the boy’s parents, despite all his shortcomings, were very proud of him. And they always praised him with ease and genuine sincerity. But in fact, not every parent can praise their child so easily once again.
Waiting for my daughter in the locker room of the ballet school. A French grandmother meets her granddaughter after class. «You’re great, I congratulate you!» «What is it with?» — I wonder about myself. You were great circling with ribbons! ”The grandmother clarified, kissing the girl. And it’s okay that all the other movements of the overweight and clumsy girl were difficult. And it doesn’t matter that the group has been dancing with ribbons for more than one month. HER granddaughter did it today, and it was very important for her grandmother to say to the girl: “Bravo, my dear!”
Drinking coffee while watching my daughter’s pool class. One boy could not jump off the tower for a long time. All the other guys have been coping with this for a long time, and he decided to do it only a month later. And it’s okay that he jumped into the water timidly and clumsily, holding on to the coach’s wand. And it does not matter at all that then he swam the pool longer than all the others. His dad still took his son by the hand and said: “Bravo, my champion!”
One day my daughter told me that she had no bad grades at all. “It can’t be, a student can never be completely wrong,” I remark critically. Of course, this cannot be. It’s just that in French elementary school they don’t give bad grades. There is only one rating. It’s called «TV» — très bien for short. That is very good. If the task is completed incorrectly, then the assessment is not given at all. Every Friday, the teacher takes all the workbooks home so that parents can see what their child has learned in the past week. “Be sure to praise the children when you see my TV in their notebooks. This is a very powerful motivation for them to study well,” the teacher asked us at the meeting (by the way, he doesn’t look like a teacher in our usual sense at all: long hair, a beard, a tattoo and glasses, but at the same time all the children adore him and quickly enough learn the material in his lessons). “And it’s not scary that there were mistakes in other tasks. And the scary thing is that not all parents praise their child for a good job. It is very important for children to hear from mom and dad the words “Bravo, great job!” the teacher told us.
A friend of mine, a French mother, once shared with me that she couldn’t find a suitable frame for her daughter’s drawing. “I also have a problem,” I think, looking at a completely ordinary landscape at first glance. But then I stop … I remember that I just keep my daughter’s drawings in a folder, and it never even occurred to me to make a picture out of them and hang them on the wall. Something clicks in my mind after this conversation, and I promise myself to definitely buy a frame. And it’s not scary that the drawing is far from perfect. And it doesn’t matter that she created it a year ago, and now she could do it much better. Her drawing will hang in our house in the most prominent place and remind her that her parents love her and are very proud of her. «Bravo, my dear!»
We often scold our children: “You don’t draw letters evenly enough”, “I still haven’t learned how to do the splits after going to gymnastics for a whole year”, and in general “hands grow out of the wrong place”. “Look how your classmate is doing great on stage. What a voice, plastic! And you … «And, perhaps, in this matter it is better to become» a little French «and instead of comparing them with the rest, praise them more often, focusing on their achievements, not mistakes. Then they will be more motivated to succeed and will not dwell on failures, going through life confidently and easily. And at the same time, of course, do not forget the rules of courtesy …
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.