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It’s great if you can laugh together at funny situations during intimacy. But can laughter interfere with our intimate relationships? And how do you know when it’s appropriate and when it’s not?
I had a childhood friend. Tall blue-eyed blond. Mom said that it was necessary to give birth to children from this: a powerful torso, a Hollywood smile, a medical education. Only we were friends with him on a different occasion: each of our conversations was accompanied by Homeric laughter. Jokes have always been «below the belt», about physiology, sometimes on the verge. It’s gross, but it’s funny.
I adored him, but we did not have any romantic relationship. Why — I will tell below, but I will hint: laughter had a direct bearing on this. To begin with, let’s figure it out: is it useful to treat what is happening in bed with humor? Does it harm intimacy? And what role does it play at different stages and in different types of relationships?
Laughter and flirting
Sigmund Freud believed that the essence of humor is that we can release psychological tension and give vent to repressed desires. Of course, mostly sexual desires. And this idea is perfectly illustrated by such periods of time when we are just starting to get closer to a partner or are looking forward to a long-awaited meeting with him.
Wit is a necessary part of flirting. Scottish scientists have found that the more we like a person, the more we want to make him laugh, and we are also more likely to laugh at the jokes of someone we consider attractive *.
Sex is preceded by a kind of game — a prelude. I note right away that the concepts of «foreplay» and «foreplay» are not equal to each other and describe different processes.
Foreplay can be part of foreplay, but it’s not all about physical contact. Foreplay can stretch for several days: it has flirting, and half-hints, and texting (playful messages on the topic of sex), and candid photos. In a word, everything that kindles desire in one way or another. And the more near-sexual humor there is in such communication, the sooner the partners will eventually come to intimacy. As one of my friends said, «humor is the guiding star for sex.»
Laughter and relationships
The freer and easier we are to surprises in bed, the stronger the relationship with a partner. Here are some subscriber stories that confirm this.
“She was on top, with her back to him. In the process, he sneezed. They both couldn’t help laughing! We often remember and laugh. 5 years of marriage,” shares Maria, 30 years old.
“In a fit of passion, she tore off the curtain, and it fell on her partner’s head. We laughed and continued, and since then we have not parted for 15 years, ”says Elena, 35 years old.
Similar memories hold the couple together. You won’t tell your friends about this at dinner, you won’t share this with relatives at the New Year’s table. This is a secret known to a narrow circle of people, it binds those who know about it.
Another attitude to the turmoil in sex reflects the attitude to the turmoil in life. We either see them as an unsolvable problem, or we try to find something funny in what is happening. If you can laugh together at difficulties, then you can cope with them together.
Laughter and one night stand
Nowadays, one-night stands and no strings attached relationships are available to everyone. But someone easily gets them, and someone collects refusals. Why is it so?
Now we have many opportunities to find a partner, and humor is a serious help in the search. Men who know how to joke appropriately and funny, as a rule, are successful, and not only once, but for life. And women comedians are more likely to be chosen by partners for easy, short-term relationships, as researchers from Scotland have proven.
If that’s what you’re looking for, be yourself and let the humorous horses go free. If you want to form a long-term relationship with a partner, remember that you will not be full of humor alone.
Sex without commitment has its own charm. Life is extremely eventful these days, marriages in the Western world are getting late and late, and sexual fulfillment is closely linked to mental health. This is where laughter comes in handy.
For people who see each other for the first time, but already have certain plans for each other, it is quite natural to feel some awkwardness. Someone relieves stress with alcohol, but I think that humor is at least less unhealthy and certainly quite effective. And Freud, as we remember, spoke about this function of his.
The dark side of laughter
Despite the obvious benefits, laughter during intimacy can negate sexual arousal. Svetlana, 40, says: “Once, during intimate caresses, something made me laugh with my husband, and while we were laughing, his erection disappeared. So now he swears when I start laughing.” If a man loses his erection from laughter, some women may take it personally. As men say, you can’t prove to passions later that there is “nothing personal” in this.
Well, back to that friend I talked about at the beginning. We didn’t have a romantic relationship, but we did have sex. True, only once, because we couldn’t stop joking about everything and everything and continued to joke and laugh even during the very intimacy. Desire was stifled by another humorous. So we decided together that it’s better to sleep with less funny people.
And yet laughter is rather good for sex and relationships. After all, he gives joy and pleasure. “When I have an orgasm, I always laugh. It’s so cool!» — one subscriber shared. So laugh, smile, laugh and have sex. Combine these skills, and you will be happy!
* https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Cowan-Little-2013.pdf