Difficult question! And a sore subject for many mothers. Stas Zalessky, author of the Instаgram-blog “How to be a man”, tells how to behave in a woman who is raising her son alone.
I believe that only another man can raise a man from a boy. What does it mean? I will explain it with my own example.
The last time I saw my father was when I was about 7. He died early, so I vaguely remember him. I must say right away that I was very lucky with my mother, but I was always looking for a man from whom I can take an example.
The first example for me was my older brother. He played sports and had many friends. I watched how they communicate with each other, and I involuntarily learned this myself. And my brother could easily give me a slap on the head for wrong actions. From this I came to the conclusion: only a man can punish a boy! Mom or another girl should not do this, remember this.
The next example, when I was in 10-11 grade, for me was my friend Semyon. He grew up on the street, and it was the skills of street life that I lacked. With him, I learned to negotiate with other guys, get into difficult situations and get out of them. He taught me how to communicate with girls and greatly expanded the circle of my acquaintances.
The third example was the father of my friend, Oleg is a real man. He immediately began to take care of me, give advice, guide and show attention. From him I received a lot of life guidelines. He did not educate me, but only was sympathetic and always answered my questions.
Remember Mowgli. If a child is surrounded by wolves, he will be a wolf, if men – a man
If your son grows up without a dad, then he, like me, will definitely take an example from someone. Remember that the mother’s task is not to replace the father, but to bring the right people into the life of the son. Do not be afraid that your son has contacted the wrong company, give him freedom, and let him develop as he thinks is right. Remember Mowgli. If a child is surrounded by wolves, he will be a wolf, if men – a man.
If you divorced your husband and your son is growing up without a father, do not rush to put an end to him and think that a man will not come out of him. The mother’s task in this case is to create a stream of men for her son. Don’t let the stream of men pass through yourself, but create it for your son – feel the difference! The child needs to see how guys behave in different situations: dad, grandfathers, uncles, older brother, coach, neighbor, friends – these are people who can influence the child and be an example for him. You can send your son to the section, but it is important to choose the right not so much the sport as the coach himself. It should be such a man that when you look at him you feel strength and confidence. A good indicator can be the reaction of the mother: if at the sight of the coach saliva flowed – “oh, a real man!”, Then he can be entrusted with his son. If the coach is a stereotypical physical education instructor with a whistle, stretched knees and a slight fumes, then the example will turn out to be so-so.
But the grandfather and the coach will not be able to teach how to build love. Therefore, a mother just needs to take care of her personal life and show her son an example of a normal relationship. You know, there are such mothers who decide that it is impossible with men, they are all goats, I’ll take care of raising my son. Nothing good will come of it. Mom will remain unhappy, and the child will receive such a dose of care that will harm him in the future.
There is another stupidity when parents are trying with all their might to save a broken marriage solely for the sake of their son. But children are not fools, although they are small, they perfectly read lies and duplicity. It’s impossible to play a happy family in front of them.
If you are raising your son alone, do not despair. Look for worthy men – both for the child and for yourself.