To consider the blended family in a healthy way, it is essential to let go of an idea: no, love does not level everything. Just because you love your new partner madly doesn’t mean your kids will like them, or adore their kids.

In addition, you must keep in mind that your couple will have to manage these adjustment difficulties when the romance is young, and therefore fragile. Indeed, apart from the romantic partners, the other configurations of relations of the reconstituted family are undergone, that is to say not chosen. It will therefore be necessary to put in place strategies of reconciliation, because nothing is less natural than suddenly finding yourself with step-parents or step-children!

Do you have in mind the image of a friendly and smooth family like in television series? Detach yourself from this idyllic vision: trying to achieve this fantasy is futile, and will lead you to set up forced situations.

Instead, let time take its course, and relationships will develop naturally. Do you have no affection for your stepchildren? No need to pretend, everyone will notice it. Give this relationship the space to develop, without forcing things. Do your kids hate hers? Ditto, the situation will change slowly, and be prepared: it may take months or even years.

Do you like to reassure yourself by organizing numerous outings with the whole group? Not only does this not testify to the strength of the blended family, but in addition, contrary to what you hope, being together can become a crippling obligation. The good thing about community life is that everyone can preserve their space, carry out their activities in their own corner, and find the group when the desire arises, or for meals, for example. Everyone also has the right to spend sweet moments with their parent, without having to systematically integrate the new partner.

Recomposing your family means bringing together and harmonizing two value systems: yours, and that of your new companion. To prevent your period from collapsing and confusing everyone, take the time to talk about it to two, and come to an agreement. Co-parenting is based on specific rules.

Otherwise, children may experience the new principles as injustices, especially if those principles are very different from the way you operated before. Once both partners agree, these changes should be explained to the children, collectively and individually. Communication is the key to harmonious cohabitation.

A step-parent assumes responsibilities towards the child, without taking the place of the parent. He is neither a friend, nor an equal, nor an enemy. On the other hand, he is a source of authority to be respected. Children need to understand precisely the role of the adults with whom they live. You should therefore bring the subject up with your children, so that they know what he can and cannot accept from the step-parent. It will undoubtedly happen that the couple knows disagreements about the responsibilities of each on the children of the other. It is therefore imperative that you never argue about this in front of the children.

It is essential to treat all children equally, so that no one feels rejected. Resist the natural tendency to privilege your own children! You must not punish your children any less than that of your partner. You will also need to make sure that the children do not argue too violently, and do not exclude any of them. Alliances exist within siblings, but they evolve and change. Finally, in the event of the arrival of a baby, reassure everyone about their place and the love you have for them. And rejoice: a baby often acts as a glue in a blended family.

With a little effort, soft and reassuring words, goodwill, love and let go, managing a blended family becomes a pleasure! Fairness, justice, sincerity and affection are the key words for a happy cohabitation.