One day, each of us runs out of patience. We break down, and then we blame ourselves for it. We no longer think that a nervous breakdown was justified in any way. And we’re thinking about what to do the next time it happens. Really what? Opinion of psychologist Jacques Salomé.*
You always want to believe that anger and other strong emotions that take possession of a person on the verge of a nervous breakdown are liberating. That they will relieve the tension that rises in each of us in an explosive wave in response to something completely unbearable. Usually we tell ourselves that our reaction, so violent, is justified, that we are living people and every patience has a limit. We are trying to explain aggression, anger and anger by the fact that we are fed up, overwhelmed, that we can no longer endure, sit back, passively observe what is happening, compromise with ourselves … A nervous breakdown, an attack of aggression becomes something like a statement : “this cannot go on any longer”, shows that the line has been crossed, that all possibilities have been exhausted. And it can even be beneficial if it relieves a person of the desire to move on to action (especially in relations with children): to give a slap in the face, a slap, a slap. On the other hand, the negativity that breaks through and spreads to another person almost always gives rise to a feeling of guilt and numerous reproaches that we address to ourselves. We reproach ourselves for having exploded (out of the blue), for sure offending, injuring or frightening another. And then we try to make amends: a nervous breakdown is followed by apologies, words, letters, gifts that help us recover and make amends.
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The language of anger
It would seem that everything is simple: you need to learn to refuse aggression, not to give it the opportunity to come out, to look for and find any opportunities to live in peace, maintain mutual understanding … However, suppressed emotions will still find a way to splash out (as the lid of a boiler is knocked out under the pressure of steam), or the accumulated negativity will affect the general condition, cause stress, illness, poison our days and nights. In addition, emotions can pour out on other, random people (usually less protected), who will not be able to resist, because they do not immediately understand what is happening. One of my sons once said to me: “When you are angry with your mother, don’t take it out on me!” And sometimes emotions come out in a “parallel way”: a person on the verge of a nervous breakdown beats dishes, throws and breaks things …
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* Jacques Salome, psychotherapist, social psychologist, author of many books, including Courage to be yourself (Le courage d’etre soi, Pocket, 2001) and Loving love (Aimer l’amour “, Tredaniel, 2010).
Anger has its own language. It is slightly archaic, but is still used in our age of the latest technology. It is clearly visible even in the rage of a small child who screams and cries to get an answer. Immediate response. Being on the verge of a nervous breakdown, we feel how rage rises in us (which means it comes from afar). This usually happens in response to the fact that some event, behavior or words give rise to the feeling in us that we are not being heard, although we are talking about something that catches the eye, or that we are not understood, rejected, although we know that are right. Negative outburst is the privileged language we use to show that we have been the victims of injustice or bad treatment.
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Decent answer
As for me, I believe that the outburst of negativity is a waste of energy. In addition, we get minimal benefit from this act: neither the situation nor the person whose behavior does not suit us changes. In order to adequately respond to another’s nervous breakdown, I use a certain strategy that usually helps to establish a relationship without causing a sharp response.
Confirmation.
I formulate and put into words what happened, how I see an event or situation.
Statement.
I say what I feel in relation to the words or behavior of another person.
Confrontation.
I don’t waste time trying to convince the other person or confronting him. I affirm my position, my ideas, sensations, feelings in the face of another.
Return.
I return to another what I received from him (as his own), if it does not suit me.
Setting distance.
I set a distance to stay away from what happened.
In this way, the temptation to anger can become a foothold that helps me learn to define my position, maintain relationships with other people, and not be at the mercy of my responses to their behavior.