In any relationship, there are misunderstandings, resentment and quarrels. Sometimes we argue until we are hoarse, not wanting to admit our guilt. Sometimes we lie to each other, trying to protect us from something that can upset us. But it’s a completely different matter when one of us constantly hurts the other. And he thinks he has every right to do so.
It is not so easy to understand that the one we love is dangerous. Such people often seem especially attractive: they know how to charm, pretend that they care about us, and what charm they have … Therefore, sometimes we don’t notice the alarm bells. And then it becomes too late – we have nowhere to run and no one to turn to.
What character traits or behaviors of your partner indicate that you are in danger?
1. Aggression
At first, it may seem attractive to you that this person behaves aggressively with others – it means that he is able to protect you from the whole world. But it is not. It is likely that soon you will have to defend yourself.
As a rule, this happens after marriage or a long life together: when you have children, a mortgage appears, that is, when it is much more difficult to separate from each other. Then the outbursts of rage happen more and more often, their strength absolutely does not correspond to the cause. And now they pour out anger on you that you do not deserve. For example, because of a traffic jam or a quarrel with the boss. He will blame you for any of his problems.
Such a life – next to a person who at any second can yell, insult, humiliate, or even hit – is unpredictable, full of stress and unsafe. And afterwards, it robs you of any ability to resist, especially if the outbursts of aggression occur almost daily.
Do not try to build a dialogue with an aggressive partner – nothing will come of it if he does not know how to control his emotions. And don’t expect him to leave first. These people always come back.
2. Failure to empathize
You cry and he laughs at you. You share your sadness, and he devalues your experiences. In the end, you stop opening your soul to your partner and do not expect compassion and support. This is the nature of an unhealthy relationship.
These people are not able to share your grief, even if your loved one has passed away. And no matter how much you explain how it hurts you, they will not be able to understand it. They don’t care about your feelings. Therefore, such a partner does not apologize if he betrays or offends. Most likely, he really does not feel any guilt. His conscience does not bother him.
3. Manipulation and lies
These people can openly lie, entwining you with a network of deceit, turning everything upside down. And so good that you will no longer be sure that you are right: maybe the problem is me? Maybe it wasn’t really the way I remembered it? Maybe I shouldn’t believe my eyes and ears?
In this case, your partner resorts to gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse. He seems to be hinting: “Forget everything you saw and heard, in fact it was not at all what you think. This is the truth, and only I know it.”
Such behavior not only undermines your trust in everyone except your loved one, but also makes you doubt your own sanity. Sometimes gaslighting can be seen in quite happy families, but there these are one-time cases. But the systematic devaluation of the words and thoughts of another is already an alarming sign.
4. Neglect of the rules
On the one hand, the partner demands that everything be as he wants, ridicules or ignores your objections. He controls you: he looks almost with a magnifying glass in his hands, what and how you are doing.
On the other hand, the partner himself does not listen to anyone or anything. Your requests and suggestions have no weight for him. He can easily break the law if he is sure that he will get away with everything. You should not turn a blind eye to such behavior if you do not want your relationship to end in tragedy.
Of course, we all sometimes show aggression, lie, break the rules and refuse to hear loved ones. It’s okay, we’re not perfect. But if you realize that you are close to someone for whom such behavior is the norm, take action. Tell your loved ones or a psychologist about your experiences and think together how to cope with the situation.
Don’t let your partner ruin your life and personality. Don’t make excuses or forgive him. If you’re in danger, leave before it’s too late.