You made an impression on the authorities, you are entrusted with a more complex and responsible task. It would seem that it could be better. But many of us give up at this crucial career moment: they are afraid of both success and failure at the same time. Psychotherapist Marie Hartwell-Walker explains how to deal with this indecision.
When Paul first came to see me, he looked discouraged and depressed. “Last year, right after graduation, I got a great job,” he said. The boss was very pleased with me and soon assigned me to take on a more complex project. Since then, I just lost my peace and sleep. I can not concentrate, became irritable, in general, I feel unsettled. I can’t understand what I’m afraid of — success or failure. ”
Many of you are probably familiar with this situation. In your early 20s, you get a great job where they believe in you and give you the opportunity to show what you are capable of. They put more responsibility on you and give you more independence, increase the budget for your project. And then you become … sick.
At such turning points early in their careers, many feel they have fallen into a trap. On the one hand, fear of success, on the other hand, failure.
What you’re really afraid of is not success or failure, you’re afraid of risk.
It would seem, how can you be afraid of success? Elementary. In many companies, the successful completion of one project entails work on the next — more complex and costly. In addition, this often means that you will have to supervise other employees. That is, the bar is constantly being raised. It turns out that as a reward for good work, you get even more work and responsibility. This prospect can be daunting, especially if you are still very young.
But the thought of failure is all the more unsatisfactory. Your opportunities are not expanding, or maybe narrowing, and your career stands still. In small companies where everyone knows everyone else, everyone will be aware of your failure. This is sometimes difficult to live with. And if you fail to cope with failure, it can undermine self-esteem and complicate relationships with colleagues.
To get out of this trap, you need to reformulate the problem. What you are really afraid of is not success or failure, you are afraid of risk. And this is quite reasonable. Any challenge is inherently risky. No matter how much effort is invested in this or that business, this does not guarantee the best result. It’s no wonder you’re nervous. But the good news is that the ability to manage risk is trainable.
What to do?
- Appreciate opportunities. Typically, companies carefully select those who are worthy of promotion. If you are offered to take on more responsibility, then someone more experienced than you thinks you can handle the task. Maybe you need help. However, a new opportunity is open to you that is worth the risk, and you will receive support. Remind yourself of everything you know and can do, this is your support.
- Do not rely only on yourself. This is one of the main rules at the beginning of a career. Don’t put your self-worth at risk by doing it all alone. You still have a lot to learn, best from more experienced colleagues. Ask one of them to take you under their wing. Suggest to the authorities to break the task into smaller ones, and then small failures in work will not be perceived as a disaster. Let the management know about your doubts, they will be able to help and support.
- Focus on the process. Redesign the approach to the task associated with risk. If you consider every challenge in life in terms of victory or defeat, and your self-esteem depends on it, of course, it will be nauseating. A healthier approach is to view risk as an opportunity to learn something and value the process as much as the result. Often the experience you gain along the way can be so important that it outweighs the resulting failure.
- Learn from failures. Surely you have already heard that failure can teach us as much as success. It shows which decisions or actions were ineffective. This is a valuable experience that should not be abandoned.
- Learn from success. Having won, avoid the temptation to breathe a sigh of relief and put everything out of your head. Take time to analyze what you have learned and what you need to do differently next time, what you are satisfied with and what you are not. It is best to conduct such an analysis with a mentor.
- Share success and experience. Team players are more loved and more successful than those who keep to themselves. Be generous and share your success with others. You will strengthen your reputation not only as a great specialist, but also as a team player. If you fail at something, help your colleagues avoid the same mistakes, and they will perceive your failure as a lesson for everyone.
You can avoid new challenges and always stay in your comfort zone, but then don’t expect personal and professional growth. By taking risks, you can increase your confidence and competence in any case. These two qualities are related. The more competent you become, the more confidence grows, and vice versa.
Source: psychcentral.com