Even if it is taken in from birth, the adopted child carries with it a certain liability. Her story begins in the womb of her biological mother who may have been subjected to some stress during pregnancy. Malnutrition and violence may also have marked the daily life of the biological mother when she was pregnant.

It is not always easy to know the conditions under which the child was received at birth: did he cry a lot? Was he left alone too long? Did he receive affection? Most of the time, all these questions remain unanswered.

The adoptive parents, for their part, experienced a desire for a child that they could not satisfy in a natural way. In addition, the road to cover before successfully obtaining all the necessary permissions to adopt can be long and exhausting.

From the first meeting, these two destinies intersect, giving way to the creation of a new family and the hope that everything will turn out for the best.

The adopted child is not a blank page, his adoptive parents must take his past into consideration without ever denying it. The later the child was adopted, the more his first story will mark him.

Sudden nocturnal fears are common in adopted children. There are many nightmares associated with the fear of abandonment, whether or not the child is aware of what he has been through. Some also experience an unexpected regression, for example, an adopted child, when he no longer took the bottle, may claim it from his adoptive parents, as if to relive his first moments of life with them.

Later, when the child understands and is able to clearly express his ideas, he may use the “alibi of origins”, that is to say, to justify his behavior by evoking the fact. that he was adopted and that he is not like the others.

When learning about their situation, children usually go through several phases including guilt, anger and sometimes even aggression.

Even if he receives a lot of affection, the adopted child one day or another comes to wonder about his origins. The anger he feels is directly related to the abandonment he has suffered: why him and not another? The guilt also comes from this abandonment: “if I was abandoned, it is because I was not wanted, and therefore, that I was embarrassing. Aggression results from these two feelings that need to be expressed, it can be accompanied by a self-deprecation.

Only the love of his adoptive parents can repair his wounds and help him gain self-confidence.

The first thing to do is never to obscure the child’s first “piece of life”. The unknown is part of its history and it must be accepted as it is. It is also necessary to respect one’s origins without ever denigrating them.

As a rule, adoptive parents are followed and helped by professionals who prepare them for their future role. Awareness is a crucial step in better managing difficult situations when they arise.

Informing the entourage, the school and the doctors of the conditions of adoption is part of the procedure to be followed to help the child to live normally. Parents must also take the time to explain to him that although he was not born from his mother’s womb, it nevertheless remains the fruit of a very strong love between two adults who have normal sexuality.

Finally, adoptive parents must avoid hiding the truth, except when it is very difficult for a young child to hear (birth following rape and / or incest, for example).

Accepting that the child looks for his biological parents if he feels the need is also a way of helping and supporting him. Since 1996, a law has made it possible to find one’s birth mother if she has expressly authorized it. The legislators have indeed followed the advice of psychologists who indicated that the secrecy of the birth was likely to disturb the adoptees in their filiation. We can see that most adopted children start looking for their origins when they themselves become parents, around the age of 35-40.

All these precautions will be so many shields to protect the child from the vagaries of life, however, by wanting to do too well, the child may be overprotected. It is therefore important to find a happy medium and to bring it up in a “classic” way, simply by following its instincts and above all by giving it a lot of love and attention.