Children in our time are usually brought up as princes and princesses. And who are the parents? These are their servants.
One of my acquaintances of those years talked at work with an English married couple who rented an apartment in Yekaterinburg — the couple had two children, and the youngest at the time of the events described was not even a year old. An acquaintance found herself visiting the British and was politely surprised that there was only one bed in the apartment. The answer was:
— Yes, the furniture has not yet been bought, the children have to sleep on the floor!
Imagine? The only bed in the house is given not to princes and princesses, but to adults?! In the Russian view — wildness, right?
When I heard this story, I immediately realized that I like this approach. It is thoughtful and true — from childhood to teach the heirs not to use everything at their disposal in a big way, but to be hardened in body and spirit, stoically endure difficulties and, of course, give all the best to parents, grandparents — in general, ADULTS.
Over the years of my parenthood, I personally saw enough of everyone.
- I saw how my mother allows her son to fill the basket in the supermarket with chips and some other edible garbage, if only he would shut up and not “shame her”.
- I saw how a snickering fourth-grader from a supposedly intelligent family throws a barely bitten pizza into the trash.
- I saw how little girls boycotted another girl because her mother did not have such a car, as it should be according to the material status code.
- I saw how the son pulls the candy out of his mother’s mouth and is indignant at how she dared to eat it.
- I saw how children manipulate parental feelings and perform such nocturnes on them that the heart bleeds.
Why are we doing all this?
Why does a child need a new phone if he hasn’t managed to master the old one yet? Why does he need sneakers for ten thousand and a down jacket for twenty? Why do we deny ourselves what we really need and spend money, effort, time on another meaningless acquisition?
Children quickly become accustomed to parental neuroses—in fact, they rapidly learn to capitalize on them.
— I feel so sorry for you! — Mom admits, hugging a tear-stained girl who has just left the dentist’s office.
Tears dry instantly
— Will you buy chocolate?
Why we do this is understandable. Because we didn’t have the right amount of chocolates, we didn’t have beautiful outfits, and we didn’t even know that the child, it turns out, could be an accessory. And our children supposedly should live better than us. This phrase, like a shield, covers many parents who are suddenly forced by circumstances or witnesses to make excuses.
Why is clear. But why?
What should gifted, spoiled, fat (for some reason, they are mostly all fat — probably, they also cannot be denied high-calorie nutritional entertainment) children strive for?
Easily giving children all the best, we actually deprive them of the most necessary and necessary.
Actually, I don’t really like to sing songs on the theme “it used to be a completely different time”, but if you make an effort on yourself and nod to the past … Children in previous centuries were brought up differently, and even if this upbringing also had its excesses, both “bent sticks” and “sticks should be perpendicular”, in general, normal, responsible people grew up from traditionally (in the Western way, by the way, remember the English!) educated children. Previously, children helped adults, they had their own responsibilities, they knew that not every wish of theirs would be fulfilled at that moment and that adults — attention! — also have the right to a delicious cake, a beautiful dress and a new coat.
You and I fulfill children’s whims long before they appeared, and justify ourselves by saying that “this is the case for everyone”, that “the child should not feel deprived”, and in general, “I did not have such beautiful things so at least let him have it!”
And then the children grow up and in the most sincere, unfeigned way are amazed: why do parents need such a big apartment? Why can’t they buy a student a new car? And in general, what is the meaning of life, if not in the accumulation of material joys and convincing superiority over a neighbor who has a fedolage! — there is not enough money for a deluxe toilet.
The wisest man in my life once said, “Principled rigor is better than unprincipled kindness.” I think this is what love for children is all about. Wise love!