There are many reasons why a woman cannot achieve orgasm: the wrong partner, the inability to relax, lack of foreplay, fatigue. But sometimes her beliefs get in the way.
Some women care about their partner’s pleasure much more than their own. They put themselves in second place, believing that sex is the privilege of a man, he is the leader here, and he also has the right to be satisfied first, and sometimes the only one in a couple. Why do women put themselves down so much?
University of Queensland psychologist Emily Harris and her colleagues hypothesized1that so-called benevolent sexism can hinder female enjoyment in bed. The data of their research confirmed the conjecture. More than 600 women took part in it.
In the first experiment, psychologists studied how each of the respondents perceived the principles of benevolent and hostile sexism. In the second, women’s readiness to demand satisfaction.
Benevolent sexism romanticizes the belief that women should be dependent on men
Hostile sexism meant undisguised contempt for women. Here the women were almost unanimous, they did not accept such behavior of men and treated him extremely negatively. But the so-called benevolent sexism – more complex, with many shades, is perceived by women quite complacently. It is partly determined by the belief that women are the weaker sex and need to be guarded by men. At first glance, it seems that persuasion only plays into the hands of women, but everything is not so simple.
Emily Harris believes that benevolent sexism romanticizes the belief that women should be dependent on men, that is, it suggests their passivity in sex as well. A woman expects her partner to dominate and believes that in bed he has the right to satisfy his own needs first. These women perceive sex as a wife’s duty to her husband, and not as a source of pleasure.
After measuring the level of sexist attitudes, psychologists compared it with how selfish women seem to be their sexual partners. The participants ticked off the statements “During sex, he is only interested in his own pleasure” or “Men only care about their own relaxation, and not about the partner’s orgasm”, that is, they considered men to be selfish.
Respondents also answered questions about the frequency of their orgasms and how they achieved them. Women who engage in benevolent sexism have been found to often view men as selfish and, as a result, are less likely to experience orgasms.
“Our study reveals the extent to which ideological factors can (indirectly) influence a woman’s ability to orgasm,” Harris concludes.
The social psychologist of the University of Seville Mercedes Duran states2that in a world of benevolent sexism, sex is perceived by women as barter. If a husband takes care of his wife and supports her, it is her duty to serve his sexual needs, they say. Moreover, a woman does not consider it rape if her husband forces her to have sex. If women put their desires so low, what kind of orgasm can we talk about?
1 E. Harris et al. «On the Link Between Benevolent Sexism and Orgasm Frequency in Heterosexual Women», Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 2016, June 15.
2 M. Duran et al. «It’s His Right, It’s Her Duty: Benevolent Sexism and the Justification of Traditional Sexual Roles», The Journal of Sex Research, 2011, vol. 48, № 5.