If you’re single, it’s only natural to not lose sight of all the romantic dating options available. But thanks to social networks, many are not limited to one or two, but are constantly adding to the list of backup options. And even those who are in a pair do it. Why?
You met at a party, wrote down each other’s mobile numbers “just in case” and periodically exchange meaningless messages … Or you met on social networks and for some reason like each other’s photos, casually wondering how the weekend went.
Who are back burners
Indiana University psychologist Jason Dibble defines these back burner relationships as back burner relations.1. A back burner (from English keep on the back burner – “shelving”) is a person with whom we are not in a relationship, but we communicate in the hope of a future romance or sex.
This is not just a potential partner who periodically “emerges” in the stream of your thoughts without any consequences. The very fact of communication is important, the contact that periodically makes it clear to a quick-witted or not very back-burner that they are interested.
In the virtual world, both free people and people in relationships show interest in alternative partners.
Most often, people contact back-burners via text messages and social networks.
45% of Dibble’s study participants admitted to texting them,
37% communicate with them on social networks,
13% even make phone calls,
and the remaining percentage prefer email, Skype or Twitter.
Open horizons?
Why do we collect replacements? In a sense, this is an attempt to sit on two chairs. The programs laid down in us by evolution dictate different things to us. One says: study all the offers on the marriage market and choose the best. The second retorts: in order for the offspring to survive, a permanent and only partner is needed.
In the 80s, social psychologist Caryl Rusbult developed what she called the “relationship investment model.”2, which showed that interest in alternative partners decreases significantly if you have invested significant resources – time, energy, money – in a relationship with a single lover.
It is believed that communication in social networks is more acceptable than an invitation to a cup of coffee
Psychologist Gian Gonzaga from the University of California in his study3 confirmed that love usually motivates people to “cut off” all extraneous options. Those who declared love for their regular partners blocked thoughts of attractive strangers more easily.
Therefore, researchers of delayed relationships were surprised by the lack of a significant difference between the number of online backburners in people who are looking for a partner and people who are in a stable relationship. “We were seriously puzzled. It turned out that the “investment model” does not work in the virtual world,” says Dibble.
For two hares
The relative closeness of social media makes it easier to get the minimum amount of contact with back-burners required. We can stay in touch without having direct contact. It doesn’t cost us anything to write a comment on someone else’s status or put a “like”. A small price to pay for the thrilling possibility of romance.
It also explains why people in relationships have almost as much virtual contact with backburners as singles. Social media conversations are considered more socially acceptable than an invitation for a cup of coffee. But isn’t this an illusion?
1 J. Dribble, M. Drouin «Using modern technology to keep in touch with back burners: An investment model analysis», Computers in Human Behaviour, May 2014.
2 С. Rusbult «Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology», 1980, № 16.
3 G. Gonzaga et al. «Love, desire, and the suppression of thoughts of romantic alternatives», Evolution and Human Behavior, 2008, № 29.