My dad organized exercises with my son (8 years old) via Skype, in the morning. And so I call my son for this exercise, and he portrays wild irritation, fatigue, laziness, indignation. He was going to play Wii Fitness at that time, and then I call him to exercise.
I ask my son to make a normal face, and he seems to even begin to come to his senses and reason. But then the grandfather notices something suspicious in the expression on his grandson’s face. I hold on, and the grandfather on the other side of the screen is confused, he feels sorry for his grandson. The son, taking advantage of the grandfather’s reaction, unwinds himself to tears, waits for the words “So, well, he doesn’t go out with exercises today” and leaves the room ..
The task was: to straighten out the format for my son, to help this wonderful practice, which was organized by my dad.
I went up to my son and said:
“I’m upset about what happened. So far I don’t know how to react and what to do. I need to think. While I’m thinking, I turn off the «Sunshine». If you need something for health and food, you can contact me. But please don’t tell me anything else. Until about 14:00 I will think. Then I will talk to you and let you know what we will do about this situation.”
It was a pure Silovik.
Next up was Tactician.
My son asked me to make him a sandwich. He looked into his eyes with interest. I silently got up, made a sandwich, put it on the table.
Then my son sat down in front of me with a magazine. Read, read. Suddenly he says: “Mom, there is a funny joke here …” I interrupted him: “This is not about health and food. I don’t want to hear it.»
Then the son left, began to do some crafts. I passed by. «Mom, look, I’m here …». I stopped him: «We agreed.» The son said, “Oh, yes, exactly.”
Another 30 minutes passed. I sit and work. The son came to my room. Sat down on the bed.
— Mum!
Is it for health or food?
— It’s not about food! Just when we talk and you know what to do?
The face is attentive and serious.
“Do I understand correctly that you want to talk now about what happened?”
Yes, let’s talk now!
— OK then. Let’s talk.
And then we built the conversation like this. I asked my son what he thinks of a mother who cares, but without the Sun. The son said it was strange. He didn’t like it that much.
And then I opened Psychologos to an article on how to talk to children about love.
“You didn’t like it, because love is not only caring. Here, look what Nikolai Ivanovich writes.
Then we talked with my son about what love is. I asked my son if he loves grandpa. The son said that he loves his grandfather, he loves him very much. Next, I clarified whether the son loves his grandfather more than the prefix. The son, without hesitation, said that, of course, he loves his grandfather more. And then we went right through the article, and I showed my son that in his behavior there was no care, no joy, no attention.
The son was impressed.
Several days have passed since that conversation, but these three components of love are still working. And I was also impressed 🙂 It seems to me that I also needed such a simple layout of the concept of “love”.
It seems to me that I was a «tactician in the square», because. I 1) built the situation so that my son asked for a conversation 2) took advantage of the authority of Nikolai Ivanovich and the very fact that “this was written by a serious, intelligent person, teacher and writer”, and did not begin to give out all the information “on my own” (my my son knows about Nikolai Ivanovich, Nikolai Ivanovich’s book is on my table).
Today she asked her son to wash the dishes, and he told me — “With pleasure!”. In general, the son has become more attentive and caring since that conversation. They do exercises with grandfather, there are no objections. I finish writing after 3 days — the effect of the conversation weakened a little after a day, and I had to remind what we talked about. But a simple reminder is already enough, and there are no questions about why you need to smile and complete tasks quickly. It became so easy to interact with my son that after that conversation, our son began, at my request, to 1) wash dishes 2) cook salad for the whole family, actively help me in the kitchen 3) unload the washing machine 4) independently prepare lunch for school (in our school books are kept in the classroom, but you need to take lunch with you) + it’s better to fulfill my previous duties (vacuum cleaner) + I’m thinking about other household chores.
Nikolay Ivanovich! Thank you very much!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.