Help him understand his feelings
– Feeling jealousy for his brother, his sister… is disturbing for a child, he can feel guilty. It’s up to you to play down things by explaining that you shouldn’t be afraid of this feeling. It is important to isolate the acts, avoid saying “You are jealous” but rather say “You are jealous of your brother because he had a fire engine and that is normal”.
– Help him express his feelings. It does not matter to talk about it, on the contrary, it is important to say what is on your heart.
Don’t make him feel guilty
– Avoid the “It’s not nice to be jealous” or “How jealous you are!” … which have everything to make him feel more guilty. Instead, tell him that you understand his jealousy “but that in life there is no equality. There is always someone who has more than you, but also someone who has less. ” Be careful not to fall into the opposite excess by saying “there are children who have nothing, so don’t complain!”, This will make him feel guilty and he may no longer dare to express his feelings. Choose the right measure: an attitude of openness without being judgmental (a perilous exercise, but one that you will master quickly!).
– Better not to talk about his jealousy to other people in his presence. His feelings are part of his intimate life and a family reunion is frankly not the ideal place to reveal such difficult and guilty feelings!
Help him take his place in the family
A temptation to avoid: wanting to do everything on an equal footing. “The prevention of jealousy does not pass through equality at all costs, but through individualization and the acceptance of differences, assures Lyliane Nemet-Pier. It is important to differentiate each child by giving him the place of his age. ” So avoid putting all your toddlers in the same “bag”. Everyone has their own areas of interest. In addition, your children will enjoy spending one-on-one time with mom or dad without the little (or big) brother! Of course, there is no question of stopping family activities. Another delicate moment to manage: birthdays. They are often synonymous with frustration for the child who is not in the spotlight. Suddenly, you are tempted to compensate for this frustration by offering gifts to everyone. “But the birthday is a fundamental step in growing up and must remain a celebration for those who blow out their candles,” says the specialist. Giving gifts to all children spoils the fun of the birthday party. It is preferable to teach everyone to take their turn and to postpone the realization of their desires. “
Now it’s up to you to “turn up the sauce”. With a large dose of patience (at times, the jealousy of your children puts your nerves to the test, courage!), A good ladle of love and a few grams of dialogue, you will overcome crises of jealousy!
To read : “My child devours me”, Lyliane Nemet-Pier, Ed. Albin Michel Children’s books that also talk about jealousy … “I want my photo in the newspaper”, Gérard Moncomble and Gilles-Marie Baur, Ed. Milan pocket “The only king is me”, René Gouichoux and Laurent Richard, Ed. Castor Benjamin “Me, I’m expecting a baby”, Didier Dufresne and Jérôme Ruillier, Ed. Milan pocket “Fanny wants to be tall”, Kochka and Philippe Diemunsch, Ed. Père Castor Flammarion |