Being a mother in New Zealand: Jaqui’s story

” But why ? My mom asked me when I told her I was going to have a Caesarean again.After 36 hours of labor, my first baby was stuck and in distress, the doctors had to give me one. The second was well past the due date and the obstetricians refused to induce the birth, as I had already had a cesarean. For us “kiwis” (the nickname New Zealanders give each other), natural childbirth is obvious. The mother carries life and must be strong. We choose a midwife who follows us throughout the pregnancy. And we plan with her the type of delivery desired: at home, in the birth center, in the hospital, in the water … The epidural is not very widespread, and the caesarean section normally used for major complications, even if some start to “plan” their childbirth. For many of us, accepting a Caesarean is a sign of weakness. The system is not alarmist: for example, we only have two ultrasounds. The labor and delivery room and the mother’s room are also one and the same room.

Women wishing to bottle-feed their newborn babies are asked to sign a waiver. We are encouraged to breastfeed a lot. However, paradoxically, we must breastfeed discreetly, far from the eyes of others. Me, I love to breastfeed my children, I like to feel connected to my babies. Sophie has just been weaned because Juliette was born, but it could have continued. When I arrived here, I dreaded the eyes of the French, but I find them open and benevolent. 

From my Maori roots, I keep certain traditions. These people of Polynesian origin are at the heart of New Zealand identity. It represents 14% of the total population. As I was taught, I kept my children’s “whenua” (placentas), I buried them in our garden. We call this rite “rākau pito” (pito means umbilical cord, because we place it next to the placenta). Then I planted a pohutukawa above, a tree with red flowers that blooms at Christmas, our summer period. The vessels, like roots, are anchored in the earth, which is the symbol of the mother among the Maori. It is said that the tree belongs to the child and that it grows thanks to its vital force. Children, like a competition, watch for the appearance of the first colors to find out who will have the earliest tree.

Observe your baby and see what he wants. 

Pediatricians advise starting the diversification around 6 months, but we see if our little ones seem interested in a particular food without setting too strict rules. The most popular vegetable is the sweet potato. The Maori eat a lot of it. For the sleep, we also tended to follow the wishes of the baby and therefore to make him sleep in the middle of the parental bed. The government has launched an extensive preventive campaign regarding the dangers of crushing or suffocation. New Zealanders are changing their habits, but the Maoris prefer to use a traditional bassinet (the wahakura) where the baby keeps his space, but placed between the two parents.

When I arrived in France, I wanted to visit my children’s future schools: ” No, that’s not possible ! It cannot be a school! I said to myself as I arrived in front of the school. I really could not imagine that a stone building in the middle of which was a small courtyard without vegetation could be one. Everything seemed so small to me. It looked like a miniature structure. In New Zealand, they are very bright campuses, with gigantic green spaces, grounds for running. Parents enter and leave schools without having to ask for permission. I saw that here, I must stay behind the grid. “We should put shoes for these little ones, anyway,” my in-laws repeat to me. Indeed, as soon as they can, the kiwi instinct takes over, and like any good New Zealand child, mine take off to become one with nature. It is true that now, it will be difficult to live barefoot in the courtyard of their Parisian school!