Being a mother in Cuba: the testimony of Grethel, mother of two children

” What is that ? Witchcraft? “, a French friend asked me when I proudly showed her my children’s birth albums. She turned the pages, surprised to discover locks of hair and a small bag containing their umbilical cord. In Cuba, we keep everything in a beautiful souvenir book. It’s a great tradition.

I really liked giving birth in France. Asking for an epidural and having my husband by my side were two big reliefs. In Cuba, it is unthinkable. The public hospital is the only system on the island, and everyone is housed in the same boat. The doctors are very competent. However, hygiene sometimes leaves something to be desired because the equipment is relatively old. I felt like a princess here, in a quiet, single room. It must be said that in Cuba, both pregnancy and childbirth are a celebration. As soon as we are pregnant, we announce it to everyone, and in the maternity ward, parents and friends parade incessantly, without warning.

Usually, the mother of the newborn gives the guests a fruit and brandy liqueur, called Aliñao. The custom is that she prepares it as soon as her daughter is pregnant and lets it macerate for nine months. This drink symbolizes our gratitude towards the other. Not to serve her would be a failure in Cuban good manners.

The economic situation in Cuba forces us to live with our parents, grandparents and more … I missed being able to share everything. My mother came to France for a few months to support me. She was able to bring me the typical Cuban sheet that grannies embroider for the exit of the maternity ward for newborns. If it’s a boy, it’s yellow and blue; for a girl, yellow and pink. She taught me the first steps, and also to write in a notebook everything my babies did during the first months. So at night, we took turns, and we knew how much the babies had drunk, if we had changed the diaper, etc. Women are ultra-invested and they value their role. Moreover, when my mom saw dads in the streets of Paris behind strollers or with baby carriers, she said to me “they are weird here! “

Cuban machismo is not a legend. Cuddling, playing with your child are among the essentials, but get up at night, never! In return, men in Cuba do not put pressure on their wives as in France about extra pounds after childbirth. On the contrary ! They like this new plumpness and like their partner to stay a little coated.

After eleven years spent here, I feel myself becoming French on certain points. In Cuba, you don’t let your baby cry and you carry it around all the time. We sleep with him for about a year. But on the other hand, when a child does something stupid at home, in the street, in a restaurant, everywhere, we scream and we spank. We have a very sanguine temperament.

Me, now, I educate in the French way. I bend down to talk to my children and try to explain everything to them calmly. I establish a real dialogue with them, and I like it a lot. On the other hand, I see that they do not have the freedom that I had in my childhood. I was playing, alone, barefoot in the street, unsupervised. The danger did not exist. We go there once a year and I let them taste it all, far from our Parisian fears. We miss family, and unlike the rest of the world, our contacts are limited. Internet has just been installed on the island, but the network is only available in Internet cafes and the speed is terribly slow. No Skype or WhatsApp videos to see the grandparents. It makes me sad for the children and only increases my nostalgia.