The arrival of a newborn changes the place of siblings. For the one who was previously the one and only object of his parents’ love, it will therefore be necessary to learn to share. This role of unique child is accompanied by change through little tips and a lot of listening.

Cozy, listened to, admired, the eldest took advantage of all this time to garner the full attention of his parents. The arrival of his brother or sister is a big change in his life. Parents will have less time to devote to it. Which is not in itself a bad thing, because as certain child psychiatrists underline it, it will be the occasion for him or him, to have quiet moments where the parents have the attention turned to the newborn.

For parents, it is a question of finding times when they are listening to the eldest child and of reserving more privileged moments for him by leaving the baby on guard or by taking turns with the eldest in order to continue doing activities for two.

As Professor Marcel Rufo, a child psychiatrist explains, whether consciously or unconsciously, children keep “rigorous accounts” of the hugs and attentions lavished on their brothers and sisters. This is how the place of the “darling” appears. And, in fact, there may be a “favorite,” even though parents claim to love one as much as the other.

The child does not have to love the new baby straight away, nor to love him at all. Parents must keep in mind that this fraternal relationship is the result of a great intimacy which is not chosen but imposed. It is therefore necessary to leave time for the elder to tame his new role and allow him to express his fears, his discontent if he has any. “Are you happy to have a little brother?” Can very well be followed by a “no, he cries all the time, he breaks my ears”, or by a “blah, I would have preferred a dog”.

To allow him to forge a bond, we must therefore give him free rein and not force him to offer him a blanket, if he does not want to, or ask him to give him a kiss. The relationship will be woven by itself little by little. The elder may express the desire to bottle-feed, or to play ball. He will observe this little being and will be reassured to note that he continues to have his moments of cuddling and his own space: his room, his toys.

This relationship is going to have its ups and downs. Moments of complicity, shared games, common memories, will be the cement of a flourishing bond. But there will also be times of crisis, rivalries and jealousies. The more parents ignore these dissensions, the more they will grow. Recognizing conflicts and verbalizing what is not working will then be important in easing tensions.

When the newborn arrives, you can also take the time to leaf through family albums or look at the digital photos that trace the arrival of the oldest child. Show him that he too had these privileged moments.

Parents often try to do the same things with their children to feel fair, but the needs are not the same, nor the moments of life. One will have wanted a bicycle for his 10th birthday, the other a weekend at the zoo.

Sibling rivalry is normal and healthy. One will be gifted in sports, while the other will find his feet in music. And if two brothers choose to shine in the same field like the singer Maitre Gims and his brother Dadju, they each find their space, one in the Urban Music category, the second among the “lovers” with his album Gentleman 2.0 .

This relationship will be registered over time since important family events such as parental separations, leaving home, founding a couple, and until the opening of the parents’ will, are events that never fail. bring out the buried resentment but also the good times lived together.

According to testimonies, no child or parent is prepared for the arrival of a newborn baby. This will be a person to discover, with whom to compose family harmony. Depending on whether he is a heavy sleeper, an awake baby, whether the elder wants to give him time, whether he is curious … the chemistry will be different for each sibling.

Showing her how the baby is developing through illustrated books can help her materialize the evolution of the large belly in her mother. Notifying him that he will be looked after by grandma or aunt when the baby arrives will reassure him. Allowing her to come to the maternity ward to discover the newborn baby and ask him if he would like to offer him something, to draw him a picture, can possibly help him to create a bond. Then life does the rest.