In the first trimester the child was a hope, then a certainty; in the second, it has become presence; in the third trimester, the due date approaches, the child monopolizes the thoughts, interests, concerns of the mother. While the events which form the fabric of daily life seem to touch her less and less as the weeks go by, the mother is attentive to the slightest sign of her baby’s development, to its growth, to its position, to its periods of calm or restlessness. From her daydreams, her thoughts, the perception of movements, ultrasound images, the woman gradually imagined her baby. Now, she integrates him into the family, makes plans for him. With the birth approaching, the real child gradually takes the place of the imagined child. The mother, the father, prepare to welcome their baby.
Prepare for childbirth
Parenthood and childbirth preparation sessions are also useful to guide you through your maternal concerns, to help your spouse understand them, and possibly help you dialogue. It is also a place that makes it possible to make the link between body modifications, the development of the baby and the approach of childbirth. You can also prepare for breastfeeding if that is your intention, or find out about stopping lactation if you do not want to breastfeed. The midwife or the doctor sometimes notice that the future mother remains very far from the preoccupations of childbirth, the arrival of the baby, or is on the contrary invaded by anxieties relating to it. They will suggest that these mothers meet with a maternity psychologist to help them better recognize the reality of their child, or allay their concerns.
A necessary adaptation
During the third trimester, some mothers find it difficult to take an interest in their work, they pay less attention, they have memory failures. They fear that they will no longer have the same abilities when they return to work. Let them be reassured: these modifications have nothing to do with depressive thoughts, nor with a loss of competence; they are a transient adaptation to the care necessary for herself during pregnancy and for their baby afterwards. Maternity leave is used to indulge in this healthy “primary maternal concern” described by psychoanalyst DW Winnicott.
To know : In some maternity hospitals, pregnant women can have a few talks with a psychologist to talk about their concerns: anxieties, phobias, nightmares, etc., and find meaning in them.
Dreams and nightmares
When we are expecting a child we dream a lot, often in a very intense way. Dreams of fullness, envelopment, water… but which sometimes turn into violent nightmares. We report it because it is frequent and it worries. There are mothers who fear that these dreams are premonitory; we can really reassure them, what is happening is normal. This dreamlike activity is due to the important psychological reorganization of pregnancy; the same thing happens in all the decisive periods of life, you have certainly observed it, we dream more. These dreams are explained by what Monique Bydlowski calls the psychic transparency of the pregnant woman. During this period, the mother relives with intensity the events that passed through her childhood; very old, previously repressed memories begin to surface in consciousness, emerging with unusual ease to manifest in dreams and nightmares.
«My baby has not turned around, the doctor is talking about a cesarean. And I who wanted to give birth vaginally. I’m going to go to the OR … without my husband …»Fatou.
The last weeks
Pregnancy is an evolution, not a revolution. Whether she is of active temperament, the future mother will run the shops, will want to set up the baby’s corner; let her be more reserved, she will escape into her reveries. But in either case, his thoughts, his concerns will revolve around the child. All women try to mentally prepare for childbirth, imagining what can happen, although of course it is impossible to really know. These thoughts are useful to allay apprehensions, anxieties. And do not be satisfied with the stories, the experiences of those close to you. Also ask questions of professionals around you, midwives, obstetricians.
“I am told my baby is fat. Will he be able to pass? ”
Don’t stay with these worries. The third trimester is often a time when mothers carry their babies with evident happiness, and then, as the weeks go by, that the baby weighs more and more, that the future mother sleeps less well, is less alert, a certain weariness appears and, with it, the desire that events now precipitate. Some mothers worry about resenting their late babies. That they are reassured, it is a normal feeling. The last weeks then seem longer than those which preceded. Moreover, this impatience has an advantage: it blurs the apprehension of childbirth which always persists more or less. One can wonder why this fear remains so often present today when medical progress should reassure. This fear is undoubtedly linked to the unknown, to this singular experience lived as an initiatory passage.
It should be added that the hypermedicalization which often surrounds birth, the information conveyed by certain television programs, does not reassure parents. Don’t worry, a woman who gives birth in a maternity hospital is never alone but surrounded by a team that watches over her and her baby, not to mention the future father.
On the eve of giving birth, the mother is often seized with great activity, a desire for storage, cleaning, tidying up, moving furniture, an energy that contrasts with the weariness of the previous days.
This article is taken from Laurence Pernoud’s reference book: 2018)
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