In the first trimester: uncertainty and ambivalence of feelings
The period of uncertainty is reduced more and more with the precocity and speed of the tests. From the first days of delay, it only takes a few hours, sometimes a few minutes, to know if you are pregnant. However, even if the test is positive, the woman has difficulty believing it (“Is it really me, is this really true?”) And is often not really convinced of her pregnancy until the first ultrasound. . This is also the moment that the couple chooses to announce the news and share with their elders, their parents, their relatives, the joy of expecting a child. Then, when the expectant mother feels her child moving, the plan to become a parent becomes even more concrete.
Contradictory feelings
In the early stages of pregnancy, even in women who are very happy to be pregnant, joy can alternate with moments of anxiety, irritability. It is not yet the fear of childbirth but a diffuse sensation made up of several elements: fear of the unknown (especially for a first child), ignorance of “what is happening and will happen”, of this life. intrauterine, fear of having a malformed child, worry linked to the changes that are coming, questions about her ability to become a mother, fear of not being up to the task, of disappointing and that the partner will move away during these a few months, etc.
Desire for pregnancy and desire for a child do not always coincide.
Above all, a woman can seek to prove to herself that she can become a mother, reassure herself about her fertility, her procreation power, without necessarily thinking of the child. And even if the desire for a child has been very present, the pregnancy can be disturbing: expecting a child is different from the will to have a child. This explains the more or less ambivalent feelings that future mothers have towards the baby they are carrying. “At first it was the joy of being pregnant. Then I had some bleeding. Fortunately, an ultrasound showed me that the baby was alive, I felt soothed. I felt like nothing could get me out of the well-being I was feeling. “
Another fear can dominate the first trimester: that of a termination of pregnancy because women know that miscarriages occur especially in the first three months (this is often why the couple waits to announce the news. to the entourage).
A particular time
The period of pregnancy is sometimes compared to that of adolescence, this passage between childhood and adulthood. Becoming a mother is a major transition in a personal story, between a “before” (daughter-woman) and an “after” (woman-mother). Seeing your body transform, gain weight, have nausea, feel tired, can be unsettling. Some women may dislike being pregnant, feel bad about themselves, and not thrive during their pregnancy. Relatives are surprised, even worried, about emotions and moods that arise for no apparent reason. Mothers perceive this vulnerability. We can understand that expecting a child is a personal, family and social issue and therefore becomes a source of fragility. Do not worry, this state is temporary and most often turns into a rewarding experience that matures and prepares the couple to become parents.
To those who are interested in the interior experience of motherhood, we recommend the book by Monique Bydlowski, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst: Je rêve un enfant (Odile Jacob Poche). Ambivalence of desire for a child and maternal feeling, sensitivity and vulnerability of pregnant women, complexity of the mother-daughter bond, maturation crisis of pregnancy, etc. : through these different themes, this book sheds light on the transformations experienced by future mothers.
The first ultrasound
This examination reveals to the woman the existence of a being which lives in her and which develops while she hardly feels pregnant. It can be experienced as an intrusion. Seeing the presence of a child inside her body, even if it is a “virtual image” (as Sylvain Missonnier says), the mother experiences a feeling of strangeness. At the same time, this ultrasound marks an important stage in the construction of motherhood, of fatherhood. She confirms an intrauterine life with a beating heart and she makes the pregnancy a reality. The woman realizes that she can feel her baby moving. The first bonds between parents and their child are forged.
Too many ultrasounds
Ultrasound, a quarterly examination of pregnancy, has a central role in the psychological development of parents. However, too many ultrasounds – more and more sophisticated, like those in 3D – can impoverish the mystery of waiting, the reverie necessary for the imagination, so important in establishing the first links with the baby.
“I had the impression of being transparent and of exhibiting what I have most intimate with.” Celine.
This article is taken from Laurence Pernoud’s reference book: 2018)
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