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After a broken collarbone and two surgeries, the editor of Psychologies didn’t even want to think about his favorite snowboard. But when suddenly the opportunity arose to go to the mountains, she decided. An honest story about fear, resentment and overcoming oneself.
Surviving the injury and everything that followed – two operations a year apart plus recovery – was not so difficult. It was unexpected to realize how much everything inside me protests against any, even a random thought of ever getting back on a snowboard. I had a broken bone connected with a plate, and the only thing that bothered me was how I would now wear clothes with a cutout: the scar showed off the entire length of my left collarbone. But not only this led me to despair: it was insulting to tears. The injury happened just in the year when I first felt confident, when I had a desire not just to skate, but to skate fast, beautifully, skillfully … It was my eighth season, all fears and worries were gone, behind was work with an instructor group and individually. I have already ridden at high speeds, tried freeride – fresh snow … A week has already passed in the mountains without falls and bruises: seven days of happiness, sun and bright snow on the glaciers of the Austrian Alps. Where in good weather you can see for tens of kilometers around, where it is frosty, but not cold, and the snow is blue and does not melt even in May.
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That day, however, was bad weather – a strong wind. In such cases, the lift to the very top is closed. But they let us in, the cabin shook all the way, and when we got to the top, we realized that the fog had also thickened – a snow cloud “settled” on the mountain. It’s okay, it happens that you need to move down and again be in the strip of light. But this time the fog was so thick that we couldn’t move: the vestibular apparatus was failing, we didn’t understand where the earth was, where the sky was … It seemed that we couldn’t go down the slope, but up … We were on legs trembling from tension for quite a long time we somehow crawled down, but then the weather leveled off, we began to pick up speed again and suddenly got into an unpleasant overrun: narrow, in the form of a ditch, where the wind blew all the snow down to a hard ice crust … I understand that we need to slow down, the speed is too high, and at this moment I fall. The snowboard spins me along the slope by inertia, finally stops, I sit down, and at that moment a strange thin crunch is heard …
The snowboard lay on the mezzanine for the third season. How cut. Friends called me with them – at least try … No. I was not afraid, I easily remembered what had happened, I could calmly talk about it. Moreover, I missed the mountains, willingly listened to stories, looked at photographs … Actually, it was these pictures – snowy peaks, silence, the sun – that appeared before my eyes when I received an invitation from the Austrian Tourism Bureau to go to the resort town of Ischgl, to try local routes. And then I remembered everything else – valleys lost in the mountains, fast rivers that do not freeze even in winter, the smell of wood-burning stoves, delicious pastries … As well as the convenience, reliability and hospitality of the Austrian Alps: buses that always arrive on schedule, modern rental equipment in perfect condition … Always beautiful, friendly and wide. I also remembered the hostess of the small hotel where we settled in the ill-fated year – every evening she met us in the most beautiful national dress and always knew who to offer a cup of coffee from the road, and to whom – a glass of schnapps …
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The suitcase was packed instantly. A flight with a transfer by Austrian Airlines, a transfer to the resort, and here it is, happiness. Falling asleep, I suddenly accidentally remembered that I had not been on a snowboard for three years, and even thought about whether I was scared, but decided that I would deal with this tomorrow. In the morning I put on all the “protection” that I used to contemptuously discard, and now we are already climbing the funicular in the company of instructors. For three days of acquaintance with the Paznaun valley, we visited three points: Kappl, See, Samnaun. The first is for calm and comfortable skiing, the second is for classes with children (they are taught for free in Ischgl), the third is for those who want it hotter. Many slope options, any trails, freeride with excellent snow – now this sport in Ischgl is given special attention (and rightly so!). But there is also equipment for freestyle fans: a snowpark for jumping, springboards with cushions for landing.
And I didn’t have to be afraid. As soon as we got off the lift, we were immediately asked to move down a small slope. I found myself in the company of three male snowboarders, and somehow it didn’t occur to complain about my fear. Well, the body habitually did its job – I safely moved out, and we cheerfully set off to conquer the peaks. And every time I drove slowly, thoughtfully, enjoying everything that I forbade myself to even think about for so long.
The traditional set of a winter holiday lover in the mountains was successfully completed – sauna, spa, tasting of national dishes, apres-ski and even … night sledding! Once a week, by nine o’clock in the evening, a special track is prepared in Ischgl – usually a skiroad, which is usually used by those who do not want to use the gondola on their way back from the mountain home. We climbed to the very top, we were given a wooden sled on iron runners, and we rolled along the track 30 kilometers long! Rather, it was me who rolled, and the rest rushed off, entering the turns at great speed. And I realized that I can’t. Speed - that’s what stopped me, that’s what resonated in me with fear …
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I decided to do the second half of the journey in a gondola, thinking: is it fear or resentment? To be completely frank, the day before, on an unpleasant rollout, I had to take off my snowboard and go on foot … So, somewhere inside me there was a knot that you can’t untie so easily (and is it necessary?). I was not yet ready for an extreme breakaway. Well, we have already gone through this too – I remember that when I did not have children, I loved to drive a car, and after they appeared, I began to drive smoothly and accurately. So everything is correct. I moved into a new state, acquired a new form, slightly reworking the internal content. Snowboard is back with me. And I never thought about the scar. In any case, dresses with a neckline did not have to be removed to the mezzanine.
“You can work with feelings and fear”
Questions to Maxim Smirnov, wingwave coach, NLC trainer
Psychologies: Do you always need to overcome your fear? Wouldn’t it be better to put the snowboard in the pantry and take up, for example, cross-country skiing?
Maxim Smirnov: It is a matter of choice for each individual. But if you have regularly traveled to the mountains for many years and enjoyed skiing, then its absence in your life can cause unpleasant emotions. At least you will be offended that you cannot afford it. If you understand what you want, but something prevents you from getting what you want, then you definitely need to do something with such experiences.
How do you get back into sports after an injury?
M. S .: For an amateur, not a professional, in sports there are other rates and achievements. No one is prepared for injury: snowboarding, skiing, skating is just an enjoyable pastime. Therefore, the return can be long. A person deals with his feelings and experiences as best he can, is careful, takes care of himself, bypasses difficult moments – all this takes a lot of time. An amateur has it, unlike an athlete who needs to quickly return to duty in order to have time to participate, for example, in competitions in the same season. That is why sports psychologists and coaches work with them: it helps to go the way directly, without stopping.
How do wingwave coaches do it?
M. S .: In the process of work, we determine what is the trigger of the current state of the person – resentment, fear, and then work on this situation until it ceases to have a negative impact on the general state of the client. At the same time, we do not have to thoroughly study what is happening in the soul or head of the client, which, of course, is convenient for those who are not ready to tell in detail all the events of their lives. In addition, the work takes less time. 4-5 sessions are enough to work out one situation.