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We used to believe that happiness is short-term and depends on external factors – our successes, recognition and love of other people. However, sociologist Christina Carter is sure that the way we organize our lives day by day is more important for happiness. By changing our daily habits, we can become happier.
1. Take breaks
Most of our daily activities are aimed at achieving some goal. We clean to keep the house clean, we come to work to get a certain amount of work done, we have sex to enjoy ourselves. Our life consists of constant purposeful activity. Of course, achieving goals brings order and meaning to our lives. But as a result, we often overestimate the result and forget that the process can also bring pleasure and joy. We forget that in life there is a place for play, fun.
What will make us happier? Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi conducted an experiment: he asked people to engage in only purposeful activities during the day. Nothing fun or interesting – just something that has a purpose. After two days, he stopped the experiment due to the negative effects that began to be observed in the subjects. Participants complained that they were anxious, tired, irritable, and had difficulty concentrating.
“Take breaks every hour and a half,” advises Christina Carter. — There is an opinion among workaholics that the best rest is switching to another task, changing activities. But this activity should not be connected with the solution of the problem and the search for answers. It is better to spend 15 minutes in a state of relaxation and peace.
2. Turn on the internal autopilot
“About 40% of the time, on average, we act automatically. This is a time when your actions are controlled by your habits, not conscious decisions, says Christina Carter. “It might seem that the more conscious actions we take, the better. But in reality, we get more done when we don’t think about what we are doing.”
The need to constantly consciously manage your every step causes an effect known as “decision fatigue”. The term was coined by psychologist Roy Baumeister of the University of Florida. He drew attention to the fact that the brain has a finite supply of energy, which is spent on planning actions. If the energy is running out, the brain tries by all means to avoid making new decisions. This leads to job shirking, procrastination, fatigue, and illness.
The solution Carter suggests is to introduce as many automatic actions into your life as possible. This does not mean that you need to turn into a robot and not think about what you are doing. Just subordinate your actions to the rhythm. Don’t “decide” whether or not to exercise in the morning – just do it. The more daily habits you develop, the more you’ll get done and the less stress you’ll experience.
Another easy way to start a new good habit was suggested by happiness researcher Sean Akor – the 20 second rule. The hardest part of forming any habit is getting started. Therefore, Akor advises to simplify the first step as much as possible. Ideally, it should take no more than 20 seconds. For example, if you want to train yourself to do exercises every day, you should not put dumbbells or an expander deep under the bed.
3. Get rid of everything superfluous
In the pursuit of productivity, we often drive ourselves, and this not only backfires, but also affects our well-being. The way out is to do less. Review your goals, keep only what you need. Most often, our overwork is caused not by objective circumstances, but by our own attitudes (“I have to work, because otherwise I won’t be able to respect myself”) or far-fetched obligations to others (“the boss thinks that I can be entrusted with any job, and I don’t have to disappoint”).
Christina Carter offers a simple scheme: decide on five priority things for you (goals, activities) and answer “no” to everything else. We spend a lot of time reacting to stimuli, rather than moving forward in accordance with the goals that are important to us. This allows circumstances and people to control our state. It just doesn’t occur to us from time to time to take inventory of our commitments, plans, and habits.
Carter suggests doing this inventory by asking questions like:
- Do you even need to do what you are doing right now?
- Are you really the only one who can do this?
- Does it have to be perfect, or is “just good” enough?
- Should you be doing this right now?
If we are not ready to answer an unequivocal “yes” to all questions, most likely, this matter should either be delegated to others, or done faster, or postponed.
4. Start a relationship
Ask psychologists, economists, insurance agents and the elderly, and they will unanimously tell you that nothing in life is more important than relationships. This is easy to believe when it comes to loved ones. But even superficial, noncommittal relationships can make us happier. Talking to a complete stranger can be difficult, but most of the time, the first awkwardness doesn’t last long, and not being intimate has its advantages: we don’t know anything about each other, and this sometimes gives us more opportunities to speak frankly.
“You don’t have to change your habitual lifestyle,” says Christina Carter, “Just turn your attention to others. Listen. Ask about the good things that happened to people recently, listen to them, cheer them up. Don’t be afraid to be open – your interlocutor is likely to feel awkward too, and your step forward will help him overcome it.
5. Be more tolerant of discomfort
Many of us come home and think, “I just want to sit quietly and do nothing.” And this is understandable when you have worked hard and you have no strength left at all. But “doing nothing” won’t make your life any better. Paradox: most often we want to do not what will make us happier, but what seems easier to us. “According to research, teens, on average, are twice as likely to report feeling joy when doing their favorite hobby or sport than when they watch TV or play video games,” says Christina Carter. – But psychologists systematically note the inverse relationship: passion, passion for something makes us happier. What fills us with energy and excitement, increases our sense of satisfaction with life, helps us become happier.
Is it possible to maintain such enthusiasm in everyday life? Carter suggests making a list of strengths, interests, and areas of life in which we feel “at ease.” Make sure that the subject of your interest is constantly present in your life, so that it encourages you to be creative, serves as a source of joy. Let’s say you enjoy playing the guitar or piano. You can arrange small home concerts in the family circle or post recordings of your playing on YouTube, discuss with others the songs you have learned.