Become free from other people’s opinions and do what you want

I myself did not escape this fate: there was a time when I lived “as it is right”, “as it should be”. She depended on the opinions of others, did the wrong thing and did not live the way she wanted. In the end, I managed to change and start living by my own rules. I hope my experience will help you too.

First of all, it is important to understand whether you depend on the opinions of others. To do this, ask yourself questions:

• Do my family, friends, colleagues, employer know what kind of person I really am? Do I have to wear a “mask”, to hide qualities and actions that can alienate others?
• Do I often talk about what I really think and feel, what I need and what I aspire to?
• Am I doing what I want, not what others expect me to do?

If you answered “no” to these questions, then you cannot be called free from other people’s opinions. You probably say what they want to hear from you and do what is appropriate. The good news is that it’s never too late to start coming back to yourself.

Here are five transformative ideas that have helped me and will surely help you.

1. Focus on yourself

Almost any act of a person can be condemned. For what he did or did not do, did something too late or too early. Fast. Slowly. He took advantage of someone’s help or did without it.

Whatever choice we make, we can always find something to condemn us for. And there will always be people who want to do it. So what’s the point in adjusting to others, their expectations and perceptions? Only you know what you’ve been through and what your true goals are, so don’t be guided by others. Be your own guide and guide.

2. Be yourself

Fear of other people’s opinions often makes us perfectionists: we try to look, work and live perfectly in order to avoid criticism, accusations or ridicule. Trying each time to understand whether the act will be approved by others, we are forced to limit ourselves.

Isn’t it time to have the courage to be yourself, to try and fail, than to realize in our declining years how much we have missed?

3. Remember: your life is your thoughts

“He did not appreciate my act”, “it seems that she does not respect me at all” — we think, and at this moment the thoughts of others become our own, affect self-esteem. Make a conscious choice not to think about other people’s thoughts about you, imaginary or real. Even if someone really criticizes you, expresses condemnation, you can not accept it and not get hung up on this assessment.

4. Let others think what they want of you.

For many years I have been studying leadership, charisma and personal effectiveness, talking with professionals in the field of personal development and learning a lot from them. I really like the position of University of Southern California professor of interpersonal communication Lillian Glass, who helps Hollywood stars cope with publicity.

When someone tells her they’re worried about other people’s opinions, she replies in a stern, husky voice, «It’s none of your business what they think of you!»

No one can control how others perceive him. Just accept it.

5. Remember: everything passes, this too will pass.

Let’s say you made a mistake, now you are worried and ready to sink into the ground from shame. Familiar, isn’t it? The reason for this reaction is the tendency to exaggerate the significance of one moment.

Imagine a line of your life and mark on it today — «the day of failure.» Now fast forward a year later. What are you doing on this day and what are those people doing whose condemnation you are so afraid of? Do they think about your mistake? Of course not. They have long forgotten about her. Moreover, you forgot.

Your life is a line, not a dot. You can worry all the time about what others think of us, and not notice how life will pass. And you can live the way you want, and be true to yourself, so that later you will not experience regrets at the end of the journey.