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The Gordon method for managing your desire for autonomy
Your 15 month old baby wants to eat on his own and he puts it everywhere! Your first instinct is not to give him the spoon he is trying to grab and to continue to feed him. because it is more convenient and faster. Sometimes while flying, sometimes trying to get his attention: “Oh, look how cute the little cat is!” And presto, a spoon for dad! “. Sometimes by insisting squarely that he open his mouth … As a result of the races, meals become tests of strength for him and for you.
What the Gordon method advises: Rather than trying to impose your will, start by recognizing the need your child expresses through their behavior, question them : “I see you love to eat with your spoon?” Don’t you want me to feed you at all? Is it great for you to eat on your own? It’s funny ? Are you proud to eat like a grown-up? ” In a second step, you can bring back a limit : “I understand your desire to grow up, I congratulate you on trying, but I would like the splash not to go beyond the apron!” Be careful, take your spoon, I’ll take mine and we’ll feed you both. ” Recognizing their need is very important for a child, he feels understood, accepted, encouraged. No need for a balance of power that leads to blockage, we are together rather than against, and the child learns autonomy.
My child hangs out before going to school
My child hangs out every morning before going to school and we end up being late. The child who slows down the tempo when his parents are in a hurry shows them that the frame is too tight, that he needs more autonomy. Slapping it, getting angry, dressing it yourself to save time, doesn’t help. The main message is that he is tired of running every morning, fed up with stress, fed up with not being in control of his life, fed up with being knocked around like an object. In fact, the more you squeeze it, the more it drags!
What the Gordon method advises: To solve a family problem of this type, Thomas Gordon offers an effective tool: active listening. It is not enough to remain silent, we must really welcome what the child says, what he feels, without immediately trying to give him an answer, to find a solution. To decode what a toddler feels, you must first turn off his mental radio and focus on him. Then, you have to rephrase what you hear, to prove to him that you have understood what he said and to clarify the situation. Combining rephrasing of facts and decoding of feelings allows the child to solve his problem on his own, develop their autonomy, creativity and self-esteem. To solve the problem of difficult mornings, we can say to the child: “Me, I need the morning to be pleasant, that we have a good time together, not that we argue and that we leave at 8. time. What do you need to be well in the morning? More time to wake up, have your breakfast, get dressed in the morning? What solutions do you suggest? Wake up earlier? Prepare your things, choose your clothes in the evening for the next morning? And I will prepare everything you need for your breakfast the day before. “