As you know, tango is a passion. So stormy that some sometimes can not control themselves. Overflowing emotions sometimes lead to physical blows – for example, in the face of a partner. This is exactly what happened the other day at the tango championship in Argentina: Russian dancer Kirill Parshakov hit his partner and wife Anna Gudyno. The incident was noticed by the judges, the dancer was removed from the competition. However, not everyone in Russia considers this incident to be violence.
“I just flared up”, “I couldn’t control myself”, “I couldn’t restrain myself and hit” – the story is as old as the world. However, now, in the XNUMXst century, it is especially wild that the strong can still raise a hand against the weak, a man can hit a woman. That is why the recent scandal with Russian dancers in Argentina has horrified foreigners. Russian fans are divided into two camps, which means that it is impossible to ignore this case, even if you really wanted to.
According to eyewitnesses, having performed in the semi-finals of the championship, dancers Kirill Parshakov and Anna Gudyno went backstage, quarreled, and Kirill punched his partner and wife in the face. The reason is “everyday training for a long time, until late, nerves, tears, breakdowns due to the fact that not everything turned out the way we would like, right away …” It didn’t work out, perhaps partly because in the dance career of partners there was a three-year break: Kirill and Anna had a baby.
What happened behind the scenes was noticed by the organizers of the competition, the dancer was removed from the competition. The history of the couple’s participation in this particular event ended here, but the story of the discussion of the case in the press and social networks has just begun.
Both are weak personalities. He allows himself to hit a woman, she covers and forgives, and this is not out of love, but out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of change and zeroing. <...> Never and under no circumstances should a woman be beaten on the simple grounds that she is a woman. Smash your fists and your head against the wall, scream with powerlessness, but don’t you dare spread your limbs!”
“There is no law on domestic violence in Russia. Even beatings are decriminalized. Thousands of women suffer from male violence every day.”
“There is no way to fight violence behind closed doors until the participants in this violence themselves start talking about it, but we simply have no right to remain silent about the violence that is happening in front of everyone. It is NOT the norm when one person raises a hand against another, but it is even more disgusting when someone thinks that nothing has happened, that this is an ordinary quarrel, this is a family and they will figure it out themselves!
“A man who can hit his wife is disgusting, but a hypocrite who proves that “since she does not leave, everything is fine with her” is much more disgusting.
“For a beaten man they give two unbeaten men. Do not forget this Russian wisdom. And one more thing: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
However, not everyone thinks so. It seems that the position of the couple, formulated in the post by Kirill Parshakov and in the video on Facebook, is quite satisfactory for many:
“Don’t worry, this is just a pause before the next jump. We quarreled – it means that there is passion in life, in dance, there is a desire. It’s all for the best, just accept what you have and move on.”
“I feel sorry for everyone in this case – both Anya and Cyril. Not only is he going through the competition down the drain, but everyone is attacking. It is clear that the situation is out of control.”
“You are just overreacting! Violence is different! You are very far from pair dances, so you can’t imagine what passions boil in some pairs.
“I believe that no one has the right to interfere in the personal life and relationships of a couple, they are a family. And if they are together, then everything suits everyone!
“For a beaten man they give two unbeaten men. Do not forget this Russian wisdom. And one more thing: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Life goes on. New championships and new victories are ahead!”
And this is perhaps the most terrible thing in all history. The organizers of the championship offered Anna to write a statement about her husband, but the woman refused. In a video message to fans jointly with Cyril, she insists that their emotions were “misunderstood” and that they are doing well as a couple and partners. And her position, in general, can be understood: too much is at stake, including professionally. However, psychologists would see this as typical abuse victim behavior.
“You can argue for a long time why this happened in this particular couple, but such aggression is unacceptable and simply dangerous”
“In a Facebook post, the dancer writes that preparing for the performance required “a lot of nerves and tears.” The word “tears” in this context is alarming,” comments psychologist Arina Lipkina. – It is clear that we are talking about the tears of his partner. Most often, a person cries when there is strong moral pressure on him. One can argue for a long time why this happened in this particular couple, whether the reason for this was the birth of a child, which for some time prevented the achievement of professional goals, whether it is about the nature of this person, who is typical of this, or about something else, such aggression unacceptable and downright dangerous.”
In the video, the partners explain that they are very sorry that “this situation led to disqualification. <...> The fact that you do not hold back your emotions may simply prevent your dream from coming true. We are offended that it was we who turned out to be those “lucky ones” who could not restrain themselves.”
And it is precisely the fact that in this case both partners and their fans seem to be the main problem (dismissal from participation in competitions) suggests that the issue of violence in relationships will remain open for a long time – at least in our country.
A truly closed topic can only be considered when we all understand: no matter how insulting or unbearably bitter it may be, one person does not have the right to raise a hand against another. Never.
“Violence, unfortunately, is inherent in any society. But the reaction of society to it varies, – explains the family psychologist Marina Travkova. “We live in a country with a ‘culture of violence’ fueled by gender stereotypes, myths, and traditional blaming the victim and justifying the strong. We can say that this is a social form of the notorious “Stockholm syndrome”. Read about how psychologists work with this topic in the article “Violence is the rapture of power.”
A typical bullying cycle usually looks something like this. A violent incident occurs. The victim is angry, scared, traumatized. Time passes, and the relationship returns to “normal”: quarrels begin, tension grows. At the peak of the tension, there is an “explosion” – a new violent incident. Then the cycle repeats. To learn how to open it, read the article Why victims of abuse often fail to leave their tormentors.