Contents
We are glad to welcome you, dear readers of the blog! Constructive criticism is the ability to make a remark in such a way that a person understands his mistake, but does not take offense at the same time and wants to correct it. Of course, a lot depends on how your interlocutor perceives it, but today we will study the techniques and basic rules by which you will turn out to be a loyal, promoting, but at the same time truthful and achieving your personality.
The Importance of Mindfulness
To make it clearer what constructive criticism is, I want to give life examples that will point out the difference between depreciation and the desire to promote. After all, in fact, we need it in order to make someone better or solve some problem. Let’s say you are an excellent swimmer in different styles and decide to teach your son. So, pointing out his mistakes, you are striving to ensure that he realizes what he is doing wrong and corrects himself by becoming an excellent swimmer?
With destructiveness, you would simply raise your self-esteem at his expense, each time reminding you that you swim much better. Or they would complain about how long they studied, how scary, difficult and painful it was, wanting to get recognition in such a clumsy way. They would let off steam, shouting at every failure that he was mediocre and that even small children understand better what to do. In general, be sure to ask yourself before the dialogue, what exactly do you want to get thanks to your comments? Why do you need this?
If you really just want to relax or get «imaginary respect» — you should not start a conversation, try to look for other ways to meet your needs. A person on a subconscious level feels the sincerity of impulses, so be careful not to harm or provoke a conflict.
Rules and techniques
Terms
- Limit the number of participants and observers, your communication should take place in a chamber setting. Otherwise, even if you are very tactful and absolutely right, his pride can be affected, what if his competitor or employee whom he decided to win turns out to be an unwitting witness?
- Be direct and to the point, which means never use other people as intermediaries, and also don’t bring up past mistakes. He is no longer able to answer for the past, since some of the nuances are forgotten, and he is also unable to change it. When a generalization occurs, this causes a lot of aggression, because every person with a healthy psyche will defend himself, but if you speak factually, it will be easier for you to understand the situation so as not to “turn on” with irritation due to exaggeration and not to make a conflict .
- Before you speak, think about how you want to express yourself. And if you notice accusatory, devaluing or simply evaluating phrases, throw them out of the monologue without regret. For example, saying: “Well, you’re like an armless…”, “Got screwed up again” and the like — do not hope that you will be able to achieve a constructive dialogue, you will either be disliked or afraid.
How to behave
- Be empathic, that is, show empathy and respect for the thoughts of the other person. First, try to understand why he did this, find out what ideas, impulses and principles moved him at that moment. By giving the opportunity to speak out and explain your point of view, you will receive respect, and, perhaps, expand your boundaries of understanding the situation, and this will help in personal advancement and development. If his opinion seems ridiculous and completely illogical, be tactful and do not reject it abruptly, gently insisting that he do it your way after all.
- Intonation and facial expressions are very important, otherwise even a compliment can be regarded as sarcasm. Remember to smile and act relaxed, this will set the stage for a calm wave of mutually beneficial discussions. See an article on non-verbal communication.
- If you are very upset or angry at this moment, first calm down and pull yourself together, otherwise you risk going into insults or depreciation, and this is already destructive criticism. Use the guidelines in the article «Basic breathing techniques for calming and relieving stress», and then begin to formulate comments.
- Try to refrain from obsession, that is, you should not consider your opinion to be the only true one, persuading you to lean towards it. Be gentle by asking them to listen to your recommendations to see if changes can be made.
- If it turns out that you miscalculated in something, be sure to apologize, this act will be worthy of respect and will show others that everyone stumbles, and that the ability to get out of an awkward situation and correct it is more important than encroaching on perfection, having received the title of a person who always right, which is not possible in reality.
- Give a person the opportunity to think and appropriate a remark, that is, do not demand a momentary correction, otherwise he may perceive it as pressure on him, and accordingly, react with aggression in order to protect himself.
Impact
- There are interesting manipulation techniques with which you will not only express your opinion, but also change the situation, while gaining favor. Interesting? And here everything is simple, it is necessary to start with the merits of a subordinate or close person, recognition of his qualifications or abilities. After that, casually add that you really like his work, only now, in your opinion, you need to add a little something, or vice versa, remove it. Then ask, what does he think, maybe it also seems to him that by making changes, his work will become more perfect and justified?
- Support works wonders, so if you notice that a subordinate or acquaintance is upset after discovering a mistake, be sure to cheer him up by suggesting how you can improve.
- Ask him what ideas he has about getting out of an unfortunate situation. Thus, you will not humiliate his dignity, but on the contrary, show that you trust him and provide an opportunity to correct the shortcomings on your own.
- See the article “How to argue and prove the correctness of your opinion to any person?”, There are techniques that will be useful if a verbal skirmish starts and all the constructiveness of the comments is threatened.
- Share your own experience, that is, tell about your mistakes, feelings about them. This will show the subordinate that you are not striving at the moment to show your dominance and assert yourself, but really want to help.
- Never, under any circumstances, get personal, otherwise you risk ruining relationships and sowing complexes with the interlocutor. After all, even children are told about their behavior, and not their character, for example: “You are very good, it’s just that your behavior was bad today.” Trite, but the kid already hears that he is not wrong in itself, but only some of his actions, which can be corrected, unlike temperament and so on.
- No rules will help if you want to criticize those things that cannot be changed. Therefore, if the voice of the interlocutor is unpleasant for you, there is no point in telling him about it. It is better to work on why this attitude towards him and how to change it.
back side
The more responsibility, the more obligations and power. Therefore, if you have made a remark about the work, it means that it is valuable. Suppose you would never have any complaints, no one would pay attention to your work and knowledge, how would you feel? What level would your self-esteem be? A person cannot develop and improve only on praise, otherwise his perception of the world around him will be distorted.
Therefore, try to keep ambitions, if they want to help you, pointing out shortcomings, take each mistake as a zone of proximal development that you need to work on in order to become more perfect and more experienced. Refrain from excuses, they will not help at all, it is better to start correcting the situation as soon as possible.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! We learn from mistakes and gain experience, so be patient both with yourself and with others. Good luck and accomplishments!
The material was prepared by Zhuravina Alina.