Barbara Sher raised two children alone, worked hard and struggled to make ends meet. And at almost 45 years old — when it’s a bit late to start something new — she wrote her first book. And since then, she began a different life. The motivational speaker passed away in 2020, we publish her archived interview.
Barbara Sher’s book It’s Good to Dream is over 40 years old. In all countries, it still remains a bestseller. And all why? Because, apparently, the new generations, no less than the previous ones, need someone to pay attention to their dreams, to their vague fantasies and desires, and to clearly suggest how to turn them into reality.
Barbara Sher spoke to Psychologies about how scary it is to start even what you love, about whether dreams bring money and what to do when you have to choose between family and what you love.
What was your first dream?
Barbara Šer: I confess I never had any clear dreams. I just had a feeling that I was special in something, but I did not understand what exactly. It was like a slight worry that I could live this life and no one in the world would even know that I was in it.
It turns out that in order to start moving towards a dream, this is already enough.
And then I wrote a book, a good book, and I had no doubt about it, because it was based on a carefully designed two-day seminar that I successfully led for almost three years.
I knew that this seminar helped people. Before my eyes, they used my techniques to help each other accomplish the seemingly impossible, started their own business, got their plays staged in theaters in New York, received grants and went to Appalachia to photograph local kids … These dreams were so as unique as their owners…
And so, when the book was published, I said to myself: “Well, now people will definitely know that I was here.” I am glad that people heard my voice and learned what I wanted to tell the world.
What stage on the way to your dream was the most difficult for you and why?
Probably, it was the period when my children were just born. I was a single mother, I always had too much to do, I was very tired and constantly late. But I loved both the children and my job, and just did my best.
At what point do you realize that your dream has come true?
At the beginning of each new project, I am still a little scared: what if I fail? But as soon as the project is successfully completed, I exhale and feel that my dream has come true again.
Most recently, I launched a subsection on my website that I call «Hanging with Barbara Sher.» I write letters to my subscribers three times a week: I talk about what I love to do and about my little discoveries. I have never had the opportunity to share my feelings and sympathies with others, and now I have already written 300 letters about it.
It’s hard work, but I love every minute of it.
I used to think that no one would be interested, but now I get thousands of letters from people. Now every morning I rush to see the comments that people leave on the site. Thanks to the project, I learned to see people in a new way, to understand them better.
But what if a person has dreams, but lacks the strength and desire to embody them? Either excitement is not enough, or he believes that the result is not worth the cost. What should he do: close your book or somehow work on himself?
I can’t imagine a dream without a wish. But many are convinced that their dreams are impossible. I have been working hard all my life to bring one truth to people. If you can find what you love to do the most, then there is a way to make it come true. You only need to do two things:
Do what you love.
Do not insist that you will have to pay dearly for it.
You don’t have to think about the fact that dreams don’t bring money, that you will run out of steam quickly, or about what profession to choose in order to earn more money. All these thoughts can lead to prolonged depression.
Just do what you love and success will come by itself
Some say: “Well, if I do what I love, I will have nothing to eat! How to earn a living? At first, you can earn a living by working in any job that does not make you unhappy. It may be a regular job that is sometimes boring, but it’s not terrible. Call it an «art subsidy» if you like.
You suggest looking for your dreams and calling in childhood. But can’t they be shaped by our youth and mature years?
Of course, dreams can be formed in maturity. But they only occasionally conflict with the things we loved to do as kids. I believe if you enjoy doing something, then you are talented at it and it should be developed.
It happens that in childhood the talent is hidden, hidden. And then you grow up and suddenly discover that you love to draw or sing. It seems to you that it did not attract you as a child. But if you can look back at your life and remember the early years, then you will definitely see the prerequisites for your talent.
Richard Bach said, «The only thing that destroys a dream is compromise.» Do you agree?
I think yes. Luckily, I never experienced this because no one asked me to «sell out» for money. And it’s even good that I was not interested in «big money bags.»
Some say: “I have to choose: either a family or a favorite thing”
But I know a thousand ways to do what you love without sacrificing anything important to your family. For example, I advise artists to set up their easels in the living room and watch their favorite family show with loved ones. But as soon as the commercial starts, you can get up and draw for seven minutes.
Is there something impossible for a person?
Many things are impossible for a man. For example, I will never become an Olympic swimming champion or a famous pianist because I am over 70 years old and have never played the piano. But one thing I know for sure: if you have a favorite thing, you can always include it in your daily life in one way or another.
Many of those who lacked attention in childhood choose public professions: actors, models, TV presenters. How often do you think our complexes hold the key to our destiny?
Yes, our childhood attention deficit can be our fuel. But the car we will use is always one of our talents. I don’t think that any real mathematician or chess player, even if he doesn’t get any attention, wants to become an actor, model or TV presenter because of this.
You have such a rich life behind you, in which there were many difficulties and bright events. Is there something in life or in yourself that you now know for sure?
I don’t know very much. I am one of those who live in the moment. I call these people «scanners». These are people who like to learn new things, they have many interests and are very inquisitive. I know exactly what to keep in life this casual curiosity — the joy of small children and very gifted adults.
The interview was first published in 2015.