Bad emotions, bad feelings

​​​​​​​ Bad emotions are emotions that are evaluated negatively from a pragmatic, ethical or health point of view.

Twisted resentment used in close relationships against loved ones for their own selfish purposes is a bad emotion. Anger that gives rise to domestic conflicts and fights where issues could be resolved in a good way is a bad emotion. Strong anger for a person with a weak heart is a bad emotion, since the risk of a heart attack is great.

At the same time, resentment, anger or anger outside of certain situations cannot be called bad emotions.

Resentment in close relationships can be effective and, when used carefully, is quite acceptable. Laughing out loud with friends is fun. Being angry at loved ones is not healthy if often, but once it is quite natural and can be useful from an educational point of view. Fear is harmful only in large doses, in medium doses it helps caution, in small doses it entertains …

If by “bad emotions” we mean that some emotions “in general, in principle, always” are unacceptable and not allowed, then there are no such “bad” emotions. It is rather harmful to consider some specific emotions as bad “in general”, unacceptable “in general”, and scolding yourself (or children) for resentment, anger, anger or fear is unwise. Swearing is not the most effective means of influence, on the other hand, everything is appropriate in the right place and at the right time.

On the other hand, the thesis “There are no good and bad emotions” is sometimes understood as permissiveness, permission for any people to have any feelings in any situation. Like any extreme, this position is also wrong.

Often people adopt this position after undergoing Gestalt therapy trainings: “There are no good and bad emotions, we now have the right to any emotions!” It seems that this is an inadequate and uncritical assimilation of what the Gestalt therapist wanted to convey to the participants. “Live, allow yourself this emotion, and you will be released!” — as a temporary measure for unprepared people, it is quite reasonable. However, making this a rule of life is as strange as accustoming yourself to crutches instead of leading a healthy and active lifestyle. If you can learn to manage emotions, this is more promising than all the time to be engaged in drainage procedures, getting rid of emotions that constantly roll over you.

There are no bad emotions “in general”, but there is an illiterate tactic of working with inappropriate emotions. If an emotion is inappropriate, this does not mean that it should be banned. There are many ways to work with emotions, and prohibition is not the most effective. The prohibition presupposes a frontal counteraction to an emotion that has already arisen and is strongly promoted, that is, a lack of preventive work and inept tactics. Distraction, discussion, training in other ways of responding are more effective than the prohibition of emotions, however, this is not a passive acceptance of the situation “what happens, let it be”, but the active management of inappropriate emotions.

Letting go of your inappropriate emotions is a bad decision. Do not trigger unnecessary emotions, especially do not unwind them — and they will not need to be banned or suppressed. Those who have learned to manage their emotions no longer fight with them.