Contents
If your son is a treasure for you that you are not ready to share with the world, you need to do everything so that he cannot do without your help and advice for as long as possible. Ideally, never. Psychologist Natalia Draga talks about how to achieve this.
Mother and son: relationship features
It is difficult to underestimate the role of a mother in a child’s life. Until the baby is three, they are almost a single whole. The child is not interested in peers, he does not want to stay with other adults either. Mom is the main figure, the object of love and strong affection.
Her authority remains absolute for the next few years. The child is completely dependent on the mother, and this is understandable: she knows best what to eat, when to go to bed and what to wear to school. Then the phase of gradual distancing begins. The parental figure depreciates, friends come first, and this is a normal process of separation.
The main task of the mother during this period is to realize that her boy has grown up, and not to prevent him from turning into a man.
In adolescence, the so-called teenage rebellion sets in: the boy begins to “show his teeth”, go against the advice and instructions. This is a difficult turning point, but without it, full-fledged growing up is impossible. The son must understand that childhood is over, you need to become independent, take responsibility for your actions and make decisions yourself.
The main task of the mother during this period is to realize that her boy has grown up, and not to prevent him from turning into a man. For this to happen, the parent-child model must be replaced by a completely new relationship — the relationship of two adults.
This process, for one reason or another, may be delayed or never started. And if you want the child to remain immature, infantile — a real «sissy», use the tips below.
Bad advice 1
Do not teach him to be independent! Cultivate learned helplessness — try to do everything for him. Reassure him that he will not be able to iron his shirt properly. Do not allow yourself to cook breakfast — what if you cut yourself? In a word, inspire that without you he cannot do anything, such a position will certainly form in him a feeling of helplessness.
Bad advice 2
Try to give up your personal life and your own interests for the sake of raising a blood. When the son grows up and wants to start a family, you can easily make him feel guilty. To do this, tell more often how you raised him alone and devoted your whole life to your “beloved boy”. If you still have a husband, do not despair. Talking about the fact that you lived «with this tyrant» just so that your son had a father will play a good service to you.
Bad advice 3
Decide for your son who to be friends with and who to fall in love with — you know better. Be sure to warn about female insidiousness and prudence. Tell them that girls only need money and a residence permit, this will help cause fear of relationships. Explain that no one can love him the way you do, and you will have a chance to forever remain the main woman in your son’s life.
Bad advice 4
Constantly remind him that he is indebted to you. You accomplished a feat by giving birth to him, and then put yourself on the altar of motherhood, taking on the responsibility of raising him and giving up your studies and career because of this. Of course, children do not ask their parents to produce them, and the birth of a son is your personal decision, but it is not necessary to remember this.
In the event of the appearance of a “rival”, immediately start to get sick
You devoted your whole life to him, and now he simply must devote his care to you. There should be no talk of any own family. If a “rival” appears, immediately start to get sick: high blood pressure, pain of unknown origin, frequent ailments and helplessness will quickly remind your son of his mission.
Bad advice 5
Do not give your son the right to make a mistake, prevent his attempts to make decisions on his own. In case of defeat, immediately resort to reproaches: “I told you”, “Here, I didn’t listen to my mother again”, “Mom is right, as always”, “I wish you well” — these are magical amulets in case of any failures.
Give up the idea of just giving your opinion: you should make all the decisions for the child — period.
Independence in choosing the path and making mistakes teach a person to be responsible for his actions and to be responsible. This cannot be allowed! Give up the idea of just voicing your opinion: you should make all the decisions for the child — period.
If everything is done correctly, then the natural and natural separation of the son from the mother will not happen either at 20, or at 30, or even at 50 years old, and you will be able to raise a real “sissy”.