Contents
- 1. Turn any difficulty into a crisis
- 2. Constantly threaten the child
- 3. Threaten others in front of a child
- 4. Sharply and suddenly change your emotional state
- 5. Never give your child clear advice and explanations.
- 6. Whatever happens, react inappropriately
- 7. Severely punish him for any failures.
- 8. Shout at the child
- 9. Isolate the child from the outside world
- 10. Teach him to always expect trouble in the future.
The way a child grows up – happy, confident in himself and those around him, or anxious, anxiously awaiting the coming day, largely depends on the parents. Shari Stynes ”tells” how to do everything possible so that the child is worried for any reason and does not expect anything good from life.
As parents, we have a lot of power over our children. We can help your child learn to cope with life’s challenges. Mom and Dad show children by example how to relate to others and solve problems.
In addition, the child “absorbs” the family atmosphere. Seeing that you treat him and other people with love and respect, he will learn to appreciate himself and others. If he has to observe and experience the rude and disrespectful attitude of his parents, he will begin to feel insignificant and powerless, sadness will settle in his soul. If you’re on edge all the time and act like you’re expecting disaster at any moment, then teach your child to be anxious.
Anxious people are often tormented by an unreasonable premonition of imminent disaster. They do not leave anxiety. The roots of the problem usually lie in childhood experiences. Anxiety is simultaneously “learned” and “infected” with it. By watching their parents’ reactions, children learn to worry. They are “infected” with anxiety because they do not feel safe, do not feel appreciated and understood.
To illustrate how this happens, psychotherapist Shari Stynes offers some bad parenting advice.
1. Turn any difficulty into a crisis
Never solve problems calmly. If you want your child to be constantly nervous, shout loudly and show your displeasure whenever something goes even slightly wrong. For example, if you or your little one accidentally hits, drops, or spills something, make it into a big problem. Forget about phrases like “anything happens, it’s okay” or “it’s okay, we’ll fix everything.”
2. Constantly threaten the child
If you want to instill chronic anxiety in your baby up to panic attacks, constantly threaten him. Threaten with serious consequences in case of disobedience. Do this on a regular basis and you will most likely provoke blunting of emotions, dissociation and psychosomatic symptoms in him.
3. Threaten others in front of a child
This will not only show your baby that it is better not to do anything against you, but also make him worry about the person you are threatening. This will lead to the fact that the baby will feel inferior, guilty and deeply responsible for what is actually beyond his control all his life.
4. Sharply and suddenly change your emotional state
Let the child regularly observe how you fall into a rage for inadequate reasons, although a second ago you were completely calm. This is a great way to create a so-called “traumatic attachment” between you: the baby will constantly try to please you, “tiptoe” in your presence and try in any way to prevent your outbursts of anger. He will not develop a clear sense of his own “I”, instead he will rely on you and other people to figure out how to behave.
5. Never give your child clear advice and explanations.
Let him guess how to solve problems the right way, and to scare him even more, get mad at him for every mistake. Children feel especially vulnerable when they have to take care of themselves.
Do not show him by your own example how an adult behaves, do not teach him how to cope with life’s difficulties. Constantly being in turmoil, the child will begin to feel inferior. In addition, since you do not explain anything to him, he will also feel unnecessary. After all, if you appreciated him, you would probably be ready to spend time and effort to give him important life lessons.
6. Whatever happens, react inappropriately
This method works flawlessly. If you show your child every day that your reactions to what is happening are completely unpredictable, he begins to believe that life is like walking through a minefield. By the time he becomes an adult, this belief will be deeply rooted in his psyche.
7. Severely punish him for any failures.
It is important to teach the child that his value directly depends on his success. Therefore, for any oversight, poor evaluation, failure, or any other failure, be sure to make a scandal and inspire him that a disaster has occurred. Condemn him for any mistake or failure, even if he is not at fault, and punish him more often.
8. Shout at the child
So he definitely will not miss your words, especially if other methods do not help well. By yelling at the baby, you teach him disrespectful attitude towards others and make it clear that you need to throw out your anger and other strong emotions on others. The child will also learn other important lessons: for example, that he is not important enough for you, otherwise you would try not to hurt him. All this undermines the self-esteem of the baby and increases his anxiety.
9. Isolate the child from the outside world
So you can keep your family situation a secret, and the child will not see other examples of relationships between people. Isolation is a great tool for controlling the baby. If he has nowhere to get support except in the family (with all its unhealthy atmosphere), he will unconditionally believe everything you say and learn to imitate you.
10. Teach him to always expect trouble in the future.
The best way to instill anxiety in a child is to teach him to always expect the worst. Never try to instill hope and optimism in him, do not reassure him that everything will be fine. Talk only about future troubles and disasters, create a feeling of hopelessness. Let storm clouds constantly swirl over his head. If you try hard, he will never be able to get rid of them.
About the Author: Shari Stynes is a psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of personality disorders and the effects of psychological trauma.