Whimpering, tears, crying and hysteria are often phenomena of the same order. How to deal with them now and forever, tells our expert, clinical and social psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Luciya Suleimanova.
“Revushka-cow”, “whines like a toothache” – familiar? If you notice that your son or daughter has a habit of constantly whining, please be patient – it will take time to fix everything.
“Analyze the reasons. For children, whimpering and crying is the easiest way to get attention. When it is repeatedly triggered, the child realizes that in this way it is easy to get anything from the parents, the mechanism is fixed for many years, ”says Luciya Suleimanova.
If a child starts whimpering for no reason, invite him to do something… The thirst for knowledge and curiosity persist in any mood. He will get the feeling that you have made contact, while he will note: you did not give him what he asked, but simply switched attention. So the method doesn’t work.
Keep calm… You will react to the whining with a cry – he will only make sure that such behavior is acceptable, because even parents do this.
Don’t say: “You are bad, you dishonor me!” This will only increase the resistance on the part of the child, because he will feel that the opinion of others is not indifferent to you. Better to define your attitude: “I don’t like the way you behave.”
Discard the formulaic phrases: “Good girls don’t behave like that”, “Real men don’t cry.” Parents do not put emotions into them, and the child feels it, so he does not listen. If they work, then only once or twice.
To calm the baby down take him to the mirror… Young children usually don’t expect tears to change them so much. Take a break and offer to wash, comb your hair, then discuss the problem.
Don’t continue the conversationwhile the child tries to get his way with tears. You can defiantly put on headphones or go to another room. Over time, you will notice that tantrums have become less common – children cry not for themselves, but for their parents. With an older child, you can conclude a contract: “I will always listen to you, but only on condition that you speak in a calm tone.” Periodically remind of the agreement, praise for adherence to the rules.
Don’t fall for persuasion: “Please allow only one time.” The child will not understand why, for example, yesterday you were allowed to watch TV until late at night, and today you did not.
Find a role model… This may be your favorite character – superhero, knight, princess. While playing or reading, watching a movie, discuss what their positive qualities are, note that they do not cry, but achieve everything themselves.
Among adolescents and adults, the quiet type of whiners is not uncommon. They complain that they are failing, they are afraid to take the initiative. To prevent this from happening …
… do not compare your son or daughter with other people’s children.
… give up the habit of complaining to others, especially in the presence of a child, about his mistakes and failures.
… do not redo his work for him, better offer help.
… do not throw a tantrum in front of children.
Child 1,5-2 years old? Start talking non-stop as soon as he is about to cry. You can talk about anything, the main thing is quickly, without pauses. He’ll listen pretty soon and forget about crying. Try to distract him with exhortations: “Wait, your eyelash fell out, it prevents you from crying, you have to pull it out.”
Over 2 years old? Ask to cry in a low voice, for example, so as not to disturb dad. Create a fun ritual. For example, you can turn on the hair dryer every time and say: “Now we will dry the tears.” As soon as the mechanism is fixed, the baby will calm down, as soon as you get the equipment.
Give a toy that lets off steam, such as a drum, a tambourine, a ball, a piece of paper or a pillow.
Join the child and also start sniffing, pretending to cry. He will be very surprised that an adult mother behaves this way, and will calm down.
Stock up on “bad mood pills”. These can be your child’s favorite sweets, pills, which you usually do not give. Explain that if he doesn’t calm down by taking the medication, you will not offer it again. In this way, the child will learn to control his emotions.