A baby’s crying or screaming can tire and confuse parents. Refusing to sleep, crying as soon as you put it down, or crying without interruption, it is sometimes difficult to manage your seizures and to relieve your baby. But for all that, can we speak of “whims”?

What young parent has not heard at least once in their life “let him cry in bed, it’s just a whim.” If you get used to it with your arms, you will have no more life. “? However, before 18 months, the child does not yet know what a whim is and is quite incapable of making one spontaneously. Indeed, the child must first want something in order to then be able to express his frustration. But before this age, his brain is simply not sufficiently developed to understand the big picture.

If the baby cries as soon as he is put in his bed, the explanation is much simpler: he needs to be reassured, he is hungry, cold, or needs to be changed. At the beginning of his life, the child expresses through his cries and tears only the physical or emotional needs that he knows.

From 2 years old, the child asserts himself and acquires autonomy. At the same time, he begins to express his desires and desires, which can generate conflicts and crises in front of adults. He tests his entourage but also his own limits, and it is therefore often at this age that he offers you his biggest anger.

To differentiate between whim and real need, parents must therefore listen to and understand their child’s reaction. Why is he screaming or crying? If he speaks well enough, ask him and help him understand his reaction and his emotions, or try to understand the context in which the crisis took place: was he afraid? Was he tired? Etc.

When you forbid an action or refuse to give in to one of its requests, explain why. If he’s disappointed or angry, don’t get upset and show him that you understand his emotions but aren’t going to give in. He must learn to know your limits and his, and must confront the frustration to integrate it into his emotions.

On the other hand, to give him some semblance of freedom and get him used to managing his desires, let him make choices when possible.

Before the age of 5, it’s hard to talk about a real whim. Indeed, in this term, is implicitly understood that the child chooses to irritate his parents by a crisis which he premeditates. But for children of this age, it is more a question of testing the limits to get to know them and then adapt them to other situations. So if you plan to give in to his desire to find calm, tell yourself that your behavior can be harmful for his future life and his learning of frustration.

In addition, giving in to him often and complying with his requests to avoid crises, will teach him that he only needs to scream and cry to get what he wants. So you risk getting the opposite effect to what you were initially looking for. In short, stay firm but calm and always take the time to explain and justify your refusals. Don’t we say “education is love and frustration”?

One of the best ways to calm things down and help the baby or child move on is play and fun. By proposing another activity or by telling him an anecdote, the little one focuses his emotion on a new interest and forgets the reasons for his crisis. For example, in a store, if the child asks for a toy that you do not want to give him, stand firm and refuse to give in but instead offer to choose the dessert.

Finally, always remember that your little one does not try to upset you or irritate you during a “whim” episode. His cries and tears always translate in the first place, immediate needs or a discomfort that you must take into account and that you must try to understand and relieve as quickly as possible.