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Why does my baby always say “again”?
EAnother cookie, another candy, another rhyme he adores, another kiss when leaving, another story, more guilis, another round of the merry-go-round, a little more time, another hug before sleep… “Again! Still ! Still ! Since she knows how to pronounce this little magic word, Charlotte uses and abuses it. It is sometimes difficult to get by!
“Encore” appears in toddler vocabulary with the very first words, around 18 months. If the child adopts it so quickly and uses it so much, it is because this little word gives him a feeling of power, like the “no”, its opposite, which appears at the same time. Where “no” expresses a refusal, “still” exposes a request. Yet, deep down, both mean “it’s me who decides” : each time he pronounces them, the little one puts forward his personal will, builds own identity. “Again” is the other side of self-assertion, less powerful, less constraining than “no”, but also more enjoyable. Indeed, “still” allows our little treasure to take power, not against us, but with us. It is all beneficial!
“One of his very first words, and by far his favorite! ”
The first time Zeyneb said “again”, it made me laugh a lot, it was so cute! At the time, she only said dad, mom, yes and no. I was so surprised that I wondered if I had heard correctly… But that was it: she wanted one more cookie. Since then, it floods us with “more”, all the time, but without breaking our feet. In the square, she is sliding down the slide that she is already throwing a “more”! to redo it. When I take her out of the bath, she exclaims “again”! to go back. When I say “no, that’s enough”, she pouted, a funny grin with her mouth, to show me that she was sulking. And then, she groans, she growls, but I hold on, I explain to her and she ends up resigning herself … It is rare that it goes as far as anger. We are lucky, our daughter has a good character! ”
Latifa, mother of Zeyneb, 18 months old.
Repeat “again”: a word that makes you strong and helps you grow
Thanks to these “stills”, the child asserts himself and feels strong : he is in charge. He is happy because each time, it is a pleasure that is prolonged or renewed. Say “again” also allows him to reassure himself by looking back at known scenes of life, and above all by replaying key sequences, which for him have a particular impact.
This is the case when we play “cuckoo”: seeing ourselves disappear and reappear. allows him to tame separations and reunions, to check that we do not cease to exist when he no longer sees us, to be reassured about our effective return. With just one word, being able to replay this crucial scenario over and over again is very comforting for him. It will help him grow.
The expert’s opinion: Anne Bacus *, clinical psychologist
“The golden rule to put an end to repeated requests from a young child is to ban the ‘NO, NO… YES!’ If we start by saying “no” – probably a little too quickly – and end up giving in to the child’s insistence, we only teach him one thing, and that is that he will eventually get it. what he wants if he insists. In this case, he has not finished breaking our feet! Better to use the “YES, YES… NO”: we accept, once, twice, etc., then we warn that it is the last time, the last “yes”… And we stick to it! Then it’s “no” and we don’t go back on it. The child obtained satisfaction, but above all, he learned to respect the stated rule. It’s much more comfortable, for him and for you! ”
*author of the “Great guide for your child aged 0 to 3” (Marabout, 2016).
How to deal with a child who always says “still”?
Does he cry every time you play together because he doesn’t want to stop? He keeps asking you for yet another candy? He spends his time destroying his cube castle and asking you to rebuild it? Case by case, our advice so that everything ends in a good mood!
Some tips forthat all ends well …
- We warn him. First of all, we warn the child before the last candy, the last hug, in order to allow him to prepare. The repetition by a succession of “still” allows the child to have a mastery of events and to anticipate them: interrupting it suddenly would have no meaning!
- We don’t come back, and we stick to it! At bedtime, oWe will not come back for a “last of the last kisses”, we absolutely have to stick to it: the words have to make sense. Keeping your promise, in one way or the other, is to make yourself predictable, it is reassuring for the toddler.
Which also reassures him
- We establish rituals. It is important to ritualize the highlights of the day, especially times of separation – including going to bed – and times of change. These little rituals that punctuate the life of the child must be short, simple and flexible, that is to say, be able to evolve smoothly as needed. It is up to us to ensure that they do not go on forever.
To avoid frontal conflict
- We are cunning a bit. Do not endorse the decision on our own. We can hold responsible the pendulum: (“Oh, look, the big hand is at the bottom, it’s time!”,) Or the rule that we had stated (“Oh, we already have three papers of empty candies, we have reached the maximum! ”etc.) for example.
- We savor together. To end on a high note, let’s anchor a good memory in his mind: “What did we have a blast! We made the most of it! That was awfully neat, eh? “By teaching him to savor and to prolong in his imagination the good times passed, we teach him wisdom… Already!