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Did you think that it was above all the discovery of his private parts that led Baby, at the beginning of his life, to gradually feel like a girl or a boy? Well, not at all ! Much more important is how he is viewed as a little girl or boy, which helps him get to know himself better. Suddenly, and even if it breaks the magic of birth a little for some, wanting to know the baby’s sex at the second “echo” is, according to certain specialists, very beneficial: it allows us to prepare for his coming and to project ourselves into this future little girl or this future little guy.
On the other hand, discovering at birth that the long-awaited son is actually a little girl (or vice versa) is not always easy and weighs on the emotional relationship. Unconsciously, the mother can then raise her little girl like the boy she would have liked, favoring in her masculine tendencies. And Baby then risks meeting his mother’s expectations, just to please him!
Parental attitudes that do not deceive
In general, the feeling of existing cannot be born in Baby without the maternal investment, and it is also thanks to his very strong idealization (he is always the most beautiful in the world for Mum!) That his good development. psychic is possible. At two months, he already realizes that he is distinct from his mother … before really feeling a full character around 8-12 months. Even if the notion of girl or boy is still far from his concerns, our role as parent is therefore essential!
It is with unconscious attitudes that we help our little ones to discover themselves as girl or boy. Obviously, no parent will behave the same towards their flea or their son. Not the same way of carrying it, feeding it, talking to it, playing with it.
Always unconsciously, our projections and plans for the future guide Baby in his quest for identity. And since, at this stage, he badly needs leads, indications to follow, so much the better!
Childhood psychosexual development: when babies explore their anatomy
At the same time, the baby’s curiosity and his taste for experimentation push him to open up to the world and to better understand his anatomy. This is timely, because knowing yourself is not only knowing your body, but also and above all discovering what functions it can have! He thus embarks on a great sensory adventure, to meet the pleasure, essential to build himself.
It all starts with the mouth. Very young, Baby understands how pleasant it is to suck on Mum’s breast, to suck her thumb, to chew on her pacifier … Sucking is not only to satisfy her hunger, but also to give herself pleasure by stimulating her mouth (the pros then speak of “oral stage”).
Around 18-20 months (this is the “anal stage”), Baby fixes all his attention on a much lower part of his anatomy: the control of his sphincters. And it is the satisfaction felt during the evacuation of the stools which, hold on tight, sounds the awakening of his genitals! At this key age, he really becomes aware of his sexual identity. It is also the period when the loupiots start to go to the pot and to compare themselves, especially in nursery. During the “toilet breaks”, the eyes are rife and do not fail to distinguish a “slight” difference… They find in front of them someone who recognizes them as a little girl or a little boy, which is essential. to their awakening!
Self-stimulation: baby rubs and pats
Already toddler, Baby can have fun pulling on his erect penis or rubbing his labia minora. No need to be offended, your child naturally explores his body! These first sexual games help him get to know himself better, just like the caresses and the care you give him during the toilet and which introduce him to bodily pleasures. The right reflex, according to the pros: let him do it, while explaining to him that it is better to be alone for that. He must understand that his penis belongs to him, that it is something very intimate that we do not show to everyone.
Baby has a gender identity
Take a good look at your child: up to around 18 months, boy or girl, he is generally interested in toys that are often unisex. But the more he grows up, the more he tends to spontaneously choose games which “correspond” to him, or at least which correspond to the genre which has been attributed to him. Dolls and dinettes for girls, construction parts and toy cars for boys. This does not mean, however, that guys do not play girls’ games, and vice versa (and fortunately!), Because, to build themselves, the little ones also need to identify with both Dad and Mom, to simultaneously express their share of femininity and masculinity. But there is often a dominant …
So here we are at 2 years old (for the pros the “phallic stage” begins). This time, the child is really interested in his private parts and tastes the first “real” sexual games. Don’t be surprised, it’s quite natural! Now that he knows he is a girl or a boy, he needs to verify – firsthand and by touching – this information! So the little ones play mom and dad, doctor (more around 4-5 years old), nurse… just to get to know their bodies and that of others even better. Most often of the opposite sex, moreover, to understand the differences in more detail.
Baby explores her body alone
For toddlers, hiding to explore their body is still a game, and any prohibitions, reprimands, or outraged or uncomfortable glances on our part could harm their future sexuality.
Here again, our role as a parent is essential : create an emotional climate that thrives throughout this quest for identity, offer our children moments of calm and solitude in their room, without intervening in their games of discovery … And do not hesitate, at the slightest question, to question the pros around us, at the nursery, at the PMI, the pediatrician… Because Baby is far from having finished with this learning which will continue throughout life. Yes: we are not born a man or a woman, we become it!
Do you want to talk about it between parents? To give your opinion, to bring your testimony? We meet on https://forum.parents.fr.