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Baby would rather be carried than walk!
Baby is already 15 months old, he stands up and begins to take his first steps. But what he prefers most of all are his mom’s arms. As soon as we move away, the toddler calls out for us and wants us to carry him. A real pot of glue! We love to wear it, but we would like to be able to leave it on for a bit, even if it’s time to take our shower without having to face its cries! For Muriel Dorio, family psychologist in Toulouse, “when you give life to a baby, you are in total fusion. All of our parenting work then consists of de-merging ”.
We learn to be less fusional
Between 18 months and 3 years old, the child begins to become independent, to come out of his fusional dependence with his mother. He develops his motor skills, gains in freedom, becomes aware of himself as a person. But this autonomy can be more or less easy. Thus, if the parent has excessive fears, he may, despite himself, maintain this dependence. “It happens that we see ourselves again through our child, or that we put ourselves in the place of your own mother. However, a child needs to be looked at for what he is, ”explains Muriel Dorio. This behavior can also be the result of emotional deprivation. “If the parent did not receive enough love at a young age, it can be overflowing for their child. He is an emotional sponge and does not know what to do with this overflow of love that is not intended for him, ”warns the psychologist. Finally, some parents admit to being crazy about babies and not in a hurry to see their little one grow up. They thus feel useful, important, and make sure that their child always needs them. “Unconsciously, they want their little one to never leave them, because this highlights our finitude, our own death,” adds Muriel Dorio.
Testimony of Estelle, mother of Adèle, 18 months
“Adèle often claims to be worn during the day. Usually I take the opportunity to sit down and give her a hug (sometimes she just needs contact). And if she insists, I put her behind my back, African style: this technique saved me! “
The emotional need of the child is satisfied
The desire to hug can also be linked to a baby’s need for affection, hugs and physical contact. He may want to feel reassured, safe, in his place in the arms of mum and dad. If he is fed in his needs now, he can gain autonomy afterwards. “It all depends on what’s going on in the relationship. Is it an overflow of my history that slows it down, or a need specific to my child? We observe it. If he calms down in his arms and then wants to come out to play, it is because his need for emotional security has been satisfied. If he claims us repeatedly, it is because his autonomy is hampered, ”analyzes the psychologist. You can then consult a third person (sophrologist, osteopath, psychologist …) to take a step back on yourself and free yourself from certain emotions.
Author: Dorothée Blancheton