Contents
It happens that awkward, clumsy, difficult situations, which, as it seems to us, can be perceived by a partner ambiguously or even scare him away, only serve to benefit the union. What are these cases and what is their use?
The first “failures”
They happen unexpectedly, often through no fault of yours. At first, you may perceive them as a shame and a disaster, but over time, what happened can become an occasion for family jokes that only the two of you understand.
After dinner, you smile happily at a fan, not even suspecting that a small but quite noticeable piece of parsley is stuck in your teeth. Or during a joint beach holiday, you are overtaken by a rotavirus infection with accompanying symptoms. Or you can mix up the time and place of the meeting, show up in an outfit for the wrong occasion, send a message to your partner that was intended for a close friend.
Remembering this, you want to sink into the ground with shame, but in fact, such situations shorten the distance. When we are seen not only “at the parade”, but also in incidental situations, we become even closer and dearer to our partner.
Meeting parents and friends
With friends, everything is more or less clear: we worry, we want to please and quickly become our own. In the situation with the partner’s parents, the excitement increases a hundredfold, and awkwardness of movements, shyness, fear of being rejected are added to it. We are overcome by doubts: how to dress? What to talk about, and what is better to be silent about? But, no matter how anxious it is, when a partner decides to introduce us to his relatives, it means that he is serious in his intentions. This stage is important for relationships, its passage brings the couple closer.
strange habits
Everyone comes into a relationship with a baggage of habits. For us, they have long become the norm, but a partner may have a different opinion on this matter. Or we may become very annoyed by what is familiar to him: talking on the phone during a joint dinner, not putting a toothbrush in a glass, not wiping crumbs from the table behind him, not getting out of the phone while solving important issues.
Starting a conversation about this is exciting and embarrassing, but you should not be silently offended: your partner may not understand what makes you so angry. Although such a conversation may be unpleasant, it is an important condition for developing a strong relationship. We need to find a solution that suits both.
Talk about sex
For many women, this topic causes a feeling of embarrassment, and men cannot always voice their desires, fearing to be misunderstood. Therefore, many couples prefer not to raise intimate issues, but in vain. Sex is very important in a relationship, when the needs of partners are not met, this can lead to frequent quarrels, disagreements and make you look for opportunities to get what you want on the side.
Talking about what turns us on is not always easy: it seems that the partner does not understand or condemn. But without this, it is impossible to get what you want and strengthen the emotional connection.
Confession of weakness
Everyone has their own shortcomings, complexes or fears. Character traits that we are not too proud of, body imperfections, childhood traumas that influenced the perception of reality. Of course, we do not like to talk about all this. We want the partner to see us differently – more perfect, stronger, especially at the initial stage of the relationship. But sooner or later, you will have to open up to your partner in order to enlist his support and so that there are no secrets between us.
The realization that a loved one knows everything about us and accepts us with all imperfections makes relationships stronger.
About the Developer
Christina Gribova — counseling psychologist, cognitive-behavioral therapist, psychologist at the Be SVT center. .