Attitudes that prevent us from getting along with money

A lot has been written about negative monetary attitudes in recent years, psychological trainings have been created to identify and work them out. But let’s take a deeper look: where do the beliefs come from that become an obstacle to financial well-being? Why do we act against ourselves, why do we need it?

If some belief that is obviously not useful for us is “settled” in our head, it means that it is necessary for something and performs some important function, and often not real, but symbolic.

What symbolic meaning do we project onto money?

Money serves as a canvas not only for symbolic transferences and projections, but also for conflicts, traumas and deficits hiding within the personality. As with food: in itself it is necessary and psychologically neutral, but many people use it, albeit unconsciously, to project problems, such as stress from a lack of love or rest. This leads to a symbolic compensation for love or holiday «hunger» by overeating.

In the same way, we “compensate” for some intrapersonal conflicts by creating financial problems for ourselves and holding on to certain subjective beliefs that prevent us from getting along with money.

What problems are masked under such beliefs?

1. Self-esteem

Often, negative money beliefs are a reflection of low self-esteem. If you are embarrassed to ask for a pay raise, although objective factors — the level of salaries of other specialists of your qualification, the benefits and profits that you bring to the company — have long been on your side, you may consider yourself unworthy of receiving more or humiliating to ask for it. This also includes the so-called “impostor syndrome”: asking for a raise, you begin to feel like a scammer and a deceiver, feel guilty, although objectively you are not doing anything wrong.

Analyze whether your well-being has grown over the past year. And in three years? If not, is this not the result of your being ashamed to declare and defend your interests? And not only with the boss, but also with clients, with partners, in the end, with the tax?

The struggle for interests and even the manifestation of the necessary aggression is a sign of health in animals. If at some point the struggle was brutally suppressed, then you give up further attempts from the instinct of self-preservation. Such systematic rejection provides fertile ground for the growth of pseudo-defensive beliefs: “I don’t deserve,” “it’s better to keep a low profile,” “I’m not better than others” — and this is a clear sign of a problem with self-esteem.

Another sign of her is squandering. Spenders and spenders are less confident and have lower self-esteem than the average consumer. Spending large sums of money, such people seem to prove to themselves that they really deserve it, only with their real budget these expenses are incomparable and pull to the bottom. Varieties of this behavior are the tendency to underestimate and take too much risk in investing, leading to financial losses, as well as pride in such losses: “this is how much I can afford to lose.”

The cause of low self-esteem often lies in childhood, but failures in personal life or harsh criticism from superiors or business partners can hurt just as much. Find an opportunity to work through these traumas with a psychologist, the results will pay off the costs.

2. Loyalty

We are social creatures, and breaking the laws of the pack threatens with isolation and loss of access to resources. And although in our time we are not threatened by starvation in the event of expulsion from the “pack” (work collective or family), the brain, which has been formed for more than tens of thousands of years, is still afraid to do something that can somehow undermine relations with groups to which we belong: family, colleagues, friends. The main task that the subconscious mind constantly solves: what do I need to do to be the same as them, so that they accept me as one of their own?

When trying to break out of the familiar circle and enter the circle of wealthier people, this function can begin to interfere. Because of it, we “don’t find” or “miss” earning opportunities, incur financial losses, that is, one way or another, we return to the current level. If you are “bogged down” in loyalty, the so-called systemic methods are well suited to work out this problem: constellations, individual work based on the principles of systemicity.

3. Fears

“Money is the root of all evil” — such beliefs can indicate the presence of a strong fear of punishment. Fear of responsibility, which comes with increased rewards, is also a form of fear of punishment, because often we are not afraid to take on more responsibility without additional reward.

Fear of the unknown and loss of control can also sabotage financial growth. It is not enough just to want to earn more, it is not enough to learn how to do it — it is important to imagine what we will feel there, beyond the line, when we cross the Rubicon and get the desired result. We are sure that it will only get better there, but our subconscious may have a different opinion on this matter. Visualization will help to form a positive image of the future. If the fears do not go away, you can work them out separately using projective techniques.

4. Associations

These are subconscious links between initially unrelated concepts that arise in us in critical situations. For example, if a family friend was repressed for illegal “business”, this situation could leave a powerful imprint in the mind and form the “money = danger” association.

Associations can also be «inherited»: if similar situations occurred in previous generations of your family, you could «inherit» them on a subconscious level, although you were not a direct witness to them.

Like fears, associations are best identified and worked out by projective psychological techniques — working with metaphorical associative maps, in the course of art therapy, for example, by drawing a problem. In dealing with fears related to finances, the transformational game «Kesef: The Edge of Money» is effective.

5. Laziness

The brain is an energy-consuming organ: in the passive mode, it consumes 10% of all body resources, and in the active mode — 25%. Therefore, whenever possible, the power saving function is activated, which protects against information burnout. With any new «introductory» — a problem that needs to be solved, or a favorable, but unusual situation — the brain spends additional energy on adaptation. We must rebuild our habits, our picture of the world, our perception of ourselves.

Instead of doing this work, it is easier for the subconscious mind to protect itself. It prevents possible efforts to improve well-being in advance, instilling the belief that money is not about you, that efforts will not lead to anything anyway. Not seeing a delicious carrot ahead (positive emotions from the expected result), you “deflate” and stop trying.

It would seem that you are ready to work for the goal, but you keep postponing and postponing, and things don’t move, because you don’t feel motivated. This is laziness, but you are not lazy, but the brain. Most do not realize that self-motivation to change and achieve is hard work. This is what keeps us in hired work, where we shift the task of motivation (albeit without realizing it) to the employer.

Going out on a free voyage, for example, becoming a freelancer or an entrepreneur, we face the problem of self-motivation face to face. Trainings for entrepreneurs will help to solve it.