Attitude towards death

Death is a natural end to the life of any of us and each of our loved ones, and depending on the life wisdom of culture, type of religion, local stereotypes and their own philosophy of life, different people experience the fact of death in different ways. It is clear that the one who has already died does not survive his death, and in this sense he has no problems. However, his death is hard experienced (at least in our culture) by the relatives of the dying or deceased — and the person himself, if he feels the proximity of his death and considers it premature. It is curious that it is in Russian culture, which is basically saturated with Orthodoxy, that it is customary to grieve inconsolably for the dead, despite the fact that real Orthodoxy teaches death with calm humility and, moreover, joyful expectation. In many other modern cultures, the attitude towards death is as neutral and businesslike as the weather.

It’s raining — you need to open an umbrella. Someone died — so you need to bury. And then move on to the next thing.

When more than 2004 people were killed by the tsunami in Thailand in 300, Russia, as part of humanitarian aid, sent a group of psychologists and psychotherapists there to help people who had lost their loved ones overnight get out of a spiritual crisis. Soon they returned back to the situation of their own spiritual crisis: they were simply not needed there. Situation: a local peasant is sitting on his plot, where now instead of his house there is only dirt and debris. All died. To the psychologist’s question: “We understand your grief, you all died. Is there anything we can do to help you?» the peasant replies, “Yes, you can. Do you have a tractor? We need to take out the trash.» Psychologists are trying to explain that they are talking about other help, spiritual help, but local people do not understand them. In Thailand, the religion is Buddhism, and in Buddhism, death is not grief, but the cessation of earthly suffering. For our psychologists and psychotherapists, this turned out to be a culture shock …

My neighbor Yulia shudders and yells for any reason. She hates nettles; she, as if stung in advance, jumps back even at the mention of the snake snake and is ready to cry only at the thought that her beloved friend Alice will leave her three days earlier. Her mother is the same twitchy: neurosis. It is natural for Yulia to shudder and be horrified, and the more convenient the occasion for this, the more enthusiastically she does it. Now guess how she relates to death? — Very relevant. Relates with interest. Treats with dreamy horror and care, like a favorite toy. She even tries to get this toy less often — because from there, because of the transparent curtain, death looks even more ominous and attractive. If death happens near her, she will cry and scream. But death in this case is just a convenient excuse to yell at your neuroses. Shouts — neurosis, trouble, misfortune, and death is just a hook that is so convenient to use. As V.O. Klyuchevsky, “There would be a heart, but there will be sorrows …”

​​​​​​​…Lena’s grandmother died many years ago, but Lena cries every time she remembers it. What is Lena crying about? About grandma? — No, about the love that her grandmother gave her, about the love on which she was brought up, which she imprinted as Love and which she will not receive from anyone else now. Lena is a good person, but if she didn’t need to be fed with love so much, if she knew how to assimilate any love that comes from so many people in her direction, if she distributed love, and didn’t wait for it, would she cry? When beloved parents die, loving children cry. But they are not crying about their dead parents, they are crying about themselves, who have lost their property and sponsors of attention.

Seneca in such a situation reacted sharply: “So what,” you ask, “do I really forget a friend?” — You promise him a short memory if it blows away along with grief! Sorrow ends quickly — but let the memory be long. And the longest is the memory associated with pleasant feelings. Therefore, if you want to remember a dead friend for a long time, let your thoughts about him be pleasant. For me, thinking about dead friends is gratifying and sweet. When they were with me, I knew that I would lose them. When I lost them, I know they were with me.”

It just seems wise.

The attitude towards death is completely determined by the local culture — the local religion, the attitudes of the family and the immediate environment. Fear of death is exclusively the result of learning: children initially do not relate to death in any way, they have no fear and horror of death.

“Grandma, grandma, when will you die? — And what, dear? “And then I’ll turn your sewing machine!”

In the «Pedagogical poem» A.S. Makarenko describes how his pupils reacted to the deceased baby: without any fear, with lively curiosity and even pride: “He is the most beautiful among us!” (“Ours is the best!”). However, in Russian culture, the fear and horror of children in the face of death in children is formed quite actively, and starting from the age of 5-7, most children begin to experience fears of someone else’s or their own death. At first, mothers and grandmothers teach children to worry about death, and then, in the event of someone’s death, to calm them down … Everyone is busy. According to surveys, parents instill fear of death in their children for several purposes. First, it is the goal to develop reasonable caution so that children do not kill each other and do not needlessly risk their own lives. Secondly, this is the formation of children’s attachment to parents in the hope that if children worry about the possible death of their parents, the children will be closer to their parents while they are alive, and they will obey their parents better. And most importantly, as polls describe, parents do not know why they do it, and most often it is done as a natural tribute to tradition, as a matter of course. “But how else to relate to death? Don’t worry, right? Maybe even rejoice?

This is a wrong setting. Fear of death forms only fear and in no way forms in itself respect for life. There are people who love life and fear death. There are those who are afraid of death and at the same time do not like to live, do not want to live, do not value their own life and treat the lives of other people with indifference … There are people who do not love or do not value life and at the same time are not afraid of death. Are there any lucky ones? who love life and are not afraid of death. These are people who are not afraid to die, but at the same time they value life, cherish every moment of their own life, take care of its worthy filling — and take care of the health and life of their loved ones. The habit of mourning after death: “Oh, what was I thinking?” — bad habit. A dead person does not need our crying. We and our care are needed by the living: our children, our parents, our friends and our loved ones. And also to our city and our country, if you are not only a private person, but also a citizen.

It seems that it is not so important: are you afraid of death or not, what is more important is whether you love life or not, with what attention and respect you treat your life and other people, how much you care about life: you like to wake up with pleasure, with pleasure work and rest, with pleasure you help other wonderful people … You need to cultivate respect for people and respect for life, but not through the fear of death. Neither men nor women should be afraid of death, but should learn to think about how we live, what we leave after each day of our life, what we will leave behind when our life is completed.